It's Monday, the beginning of the work/school week - do you feel beautiful today? Do you think that you will be gorgeous on every single day of this week? Well, it may be a silly question to ask, but if I had to answer on your behalf, I would answer with a resounding YES.
It's not egotistical to love yourself, and to appreciate your beauty. However, we live in a society that sometimes promotes the idea that your natural self can only be beautiful if you PURCHASE your beauty (through makeup, a special bra, plastic surgery, etc.). That's a great message to make companies richer, but what does that do to your confidence and self-esteem? That when you look in the mirror, some sort of concealer, lip plumper or some combination of eye shadow colors will transform you into some version of supposed perfection? Well, if you want the truth about beauty, here it is: You cannot PURCHASE beauty. You can only THINK it. You can only BELIEVE it. Beauty is a perception, a concept that varies from mind to mind. Therefore, don't fall for the hype and conform to society's supposed "ideal beautiful" - even Hollywood stars require photoshopping and plastic surgery to conform to an ironically evolving and changing standard of beauty.
Main point? Purchasing beauty will empty your wallet. Thinking and knowing your beauty will realize it into existence. What YOU need to do: Let go of the world's hype, look at yourself through your own lens (not the media) and notice your real beauty.
We are trained to think that we are not naturally beautiful (the "what is wrong with me"/"what can I find wrong with my look?" complex). This video pretty much sums up this point:
I know it sounds somewhat esoteric to state that you can "think" yourself into beauty, but it is the truth. You know the saying, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? Well, its time to reframe our conception of whose "eye" we are looking through - and it is not Johnnie Boy down the street. You should really be focused on looking at your beauty through your own lens, cleansed of whatever societal conceptions of beauty that may have already poisoned your self-esteem like toxic traffic fumes.
There are books out there like "The Secret" and self-help speakers out there who talk about "mind-mapping", both which talk about your "thinker" and how to reframe your thinking, and the how your thoughts dictate your life. For example, if you want more money and success in life, you can visualize them into existence by changing your thought life and therefore your actions as well as the reality around you. The principles they teach are not new - they are very much common sense and practical, if you seriously sat down to think about it. You can actually "think yourself into beauty," and be able to realize your beauty by emanating it through your thought pattern. And it doesn't require any sort of rocket science to do it. Here are some quick examples of reshaping your thoughts about your beauty:
Your usual thought: "Why do I look so fat/skinny all the time?"
Pinpoint the problem --> You think there is an ideal beautiful body type. (There is no ideal - despite what the media may say).
Reshaped thought: "I love my size - my curves are right where they should be! I'm going to wear clothes that fit my size, and flatter the size that I have."
Your usual thought: "Why does my nose look like that?"
Pinpoint the problem --> You think there is something wrong with your nose. Why? You are comparing it to some idea of what a better nose looks like.
Reshaped thought: "My nose makes me uniquely beautiful and I embrace it."
Your usual thought: "Why is my skin so pale/dark/whatever in between?"
Pinpoint the problem --> You think that your skin would look better if you altered it to look like whatever you believe is ideal (tanner, darker, lighter, etc).
Reshaped thought: "Wow, my skin is absolutely stunning! I can rock my skin tone with whatever fashions and makeup I want to! I have all these wonderful skin undertone colors that make my skin unique and I can rock this wonderful tone in a way that no one else can!"
Your usual thought: "If only my breasts were bigger, I would be able to get more attention and be more popular."
Pinpoint the problem --> You've equated bigger breasts with being beautiful. Correction: bigger breasts do not make you more of a woman. Women of all chest sizes are all beautiful.
Reshaped thought: "I may have this chest size, but I love it! I'm going to wear clothes that flatter my size and I'm going to wear those clothes well!"
Interestingly enough, there is someone out there that dreams about having the very thing that you complain about - so let go of the hype and the lack of self confidence about your beauty. The reshaped thoughts may seem cheesy, but they purposely throw the negative thought words out, and instead focus on the positives about your look and your beauty. "The Secret", just like all of these other books out there, pretty much tell you that you can think yourself into whatever you want in life - that you can shape your reality if you think it into existence. Well, I'm here to tell you that this idea applies to your beauty - you can think your beauty into existence by thinking positively about it. By regarding yourself as beautiful, you will appreciate your unique look better, and work with it, and rock it well, which will naturally result in a thought pattern that will reflect on how you walk, carry yourself, treat yourself, take care of yourself, interact with other people, and the words you choose to describe yourself. The ability to look in the mirror this morning and say to yourself, "Wow, I am really beautiful today. I know this - and I feel it" can take you a lot farther in your ability to emanate beauty. Why? Because your thought life realized it into existence just by those words: "I am beautiful." You may think it sounds too easy - but try it out. Changing your thought will change your reality. You'll be pleasantly surprised how far your thought life can take you!
"Thinking" Yourself Into Beautiful
Tips for a Date or a Single Night on Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day appears to be one of the most beloved and most hated holidays of all time. There is something about it that just emanates "if you do not have someone special in your life, you kinda suck!" kind of attitude. Or if you are in a relationship or going out on a date for the first time, there is pressure on each partner (well, perhaps more pressure on the guy) to "bring it" on Valentine's Day - the candy, the cards, the gifts, the flowers, the jewelry, etc. etc). Interestingly enough, a guest on one of the Morning News shows this past week basically stated that she doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day - that it is really a holiday meant for kids who exchange cute Valentine's Day cards in school. Her comment made me ponder: What is Valentine's Day supposed to mean to me? To you? Are we supposed to subscribe to this cookie-cutter standard of the ideal Valentine's Day? And what is that ideal anyway? Does it even exist? Must we be slaves to even the capitalistic tendencies of this holiday to splurge on your honey and buy them oversized red velvet teddy bears? My answer: Of course not!
For the Single Person:
DO YOU! Do what makes you happy on this day. I sound cliche, but I am speaking from experience. I think Valentine's Day is one of the hardest holidays for people who have experienced love in a relationship and are no longer dating that person, and the holiday brings back memories of some of the more pleasant days together (been there!). I remember newly coming out of a relationship and then a few months later having to walk by a CVS everyday with its nauseating display of candies and too-big-for-comfort teddy bears smushed up against the window, screaming to consumers, "BUY ME! BUY ME!" or perhaps, screaming to others, "Doesn't it suck to be single?" Instead of trying really hard to look the other way, I decided to re-think the holiday at that moment and embrace it, determined to have a blast on Valentine's Day - and make it a day about loving me and the things I'm interested in. Just because I didn't have a man by my side on that very chilly day did not mean that I had to sit there and hope and pray that God sends me a man by next Valentine's Day! I was able to do whatever I wanted, and celebrate the things that made me happy. Talking to other positive-thinking single people also helped - you really should stay away from those who are depressed about being single and that's all they can talk about on Valentine's Day. No thanks - don't need the downer.
Another great idea is to celebrate Valentine's Day with friends - like doing a cute sleepover, or going out to a party/club, etc. Pros of going out: in a club setting, you'll be bumping up next to a whole bunch of singles who want some love too. Cons of going out: you may run into too many couples making out and holding hands, thereby making you feel worse for being on your own. However, if you can withstand all that, go out and get your groove on. I would personally opt for a fun sleepover, consisting of great videos and perhaps a caseload of Body Shop face masks and pedicure kits to soothe the nerves.
For the Person in a Relationship:
BE CREATIVE! You really should think outside the box and figure out ways to celebrate this day. Also, you should do stuff that symbolizes the UNIQUENESS of your relationship! Consider googling up your favorite restaurant, salsa dance studio, movie theater, bed and breakfast, lounge, etc. and make plans. Think about making your gift, rather than making a simple purchase (and also save a bit of dinero!). However, be careful with this - know your partner well! I speak from personal experience - I once wrote several poems in a cute mini-book for an ex-boyfriend (we were together at the time, of course). He liked it, but apparently wasn't all that into poetry so I kind of felt like it was a semi-wasted effort on my part. You want the gift to mean something to both of you - and hopefully in equal measure. I therefore urge you to know what your partner is into before you plop a hand-made vase with painted-on hearts on their doorstep. (I'm still brainstorming about my gift for my boyfriend - I would ask you for suggestions but I have to follow my own advice and make it unique and personal! :o)).
For the Person Going on a Date With Someone New or Relatively New:
HAVE FUN with each other and enjoy the night without feeling too much pressure because it is...dun dun dun - V-Day! Don't absorb pressure to make everything perfect, or BE perfect during the date. You're not tied to each other, so don't treat it like you are - just feel free to be yourself and enjoy the idea of Valentine's Day without getting consumed by all of the lovely-dovey "I love you's" floating around you at other tables at your chosen restaurant. (Being yourself also helps the relationship grow to another level or perhaps stall it at the entrance gate, which is also a good thing if you're not right for each other). Also, I highly advise you to keep your gifts to each other simple, if you choose to give the other person a gift. Don't go all crazy and buy a 10-karat diamond necklace from Zales (slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean). I would personally stick to chocolates or a nice and simple "Happy Valentine's Day!" card if I were in your shoes - anything else could potentially cause awkwardness, especially if the "I love you's" haven't surfaced yet.
Clothing/Makeup: I also urge you to wear something you feel comfortable and sexy in at the same time - the last thing you want to do is add discomfort to your Valentine's date by wondering why you decided to wear an uncomfortable skirt, or pair of pants or shoes (constant outfit fixing or twitching in your chair isn't too cute). Also, overdoing your look may potentially come across as trying way too hard to impress (e.g. wearing way too much makeup - this isn't a modeling photoshoot). (Quick side story - I once put on a lot of green eye shadow for one day to try and impress a guy when I was younger (as if green eyeshadow was the male kryptonite). His response? He just told my girlfriend that I wore too much eyeshadow and thought it was weird. I didn't repeat that mistake.).
I do like this V-Day makeup tutorial. It requires a bit of effort, but the look isn't too overdone...
The main point: Have fun on Valentine's Day, wear red or pink, smile, and do what makes you comfortable. Call up a friend and/or family member and tell them that you love and care about them. And if need be, skip all the festivities of the day, and pop in "Bridget Jones's Diary" and have a few laughs. :) (I LOVE that movie!)
Is "Chocolate" In Style, Thanks to the Obamas?
Is "chocolate" in style, thanks to the Obamas? By "chocolate," I mean "African American"/"black" - and yes, I actually do think that the Obamas have on some level triggered some sort of consciousness on Madison Avenue about the marketability of selling "chocolate" to the masses, which became incredibly clear when companies started capitalizing on the Obama victory, selling all sorts of Obama paraphernalia (from collectible plates to Obama Chia pets to mini dolls that look like Malia and Sasha). Tyra Banks is also another chocolate commodity in her own right, selling herself through her own self-created brand of all things modelicious and girl-power-esque. Oprah has always been a marketable entity - similar to King Midas, anything she touches or breathes on seems to turn to gold. And now Raven Simone, a multi-millionaire in her own right, has shown to be a remarkable phenomenon with her television show and all of her Raven Simone-related products on the market. And let's not even get into the fact that Beyonce can sell pretty much anything.
Now, this is a pretty small list of "blacks in style" in this country that have quite a bit of power when it comes to the marketability of their images. However, their prominence in the media seems to suggest an increasing acceptance of chocolate into mainstream American culture, no longer something confined to the auspices of BET and Essence Magazine. Perhaps chocolate will lose its "otherness" and perhaps be more popularly considered an intriguing segment of American culture, something to be celebrated, rather than analyzed or critiqued by the likes of Fox News and Rush Limbaugh (shudder).
If chocolate is back in style, I more than welcome it. It's about time that the media revamp its image of blacks in the media and realize that black Americans are a diverse and culturally complex group of individuals that have incredible power in the marketplace. Beauty companies were foolish to ignore the purchasing power of black women, for example, only recently tailoring their products (e.g. makeup, hair items) to fit the needs of black women. However, the fashion world is still behind the times, still struggling to hire black models and put them on the runway, despite outcries by prominent designers and even Vogue through the Black Italian Vogue magazine issue that sold like hotcakes off the stands (and are now selling for hundreds of dollars on Ebay). However, I do believe that the fashion industry will follow suit with realizing the marketability and beauty of chocolate, incorporating its unique and diverse attributes into its conceptualization of the American market. This nation is becoming increasingly diverse, and more and more companies are realizing that they are missing out on profits by leaving chocolate out. And in a country where the power of the dollar appears to dictate decisions in boardroom discussions, leaving chocolate out of the mix will only result in a pretty bland and boring taste of the "same ol' same" and leave people yearning for a more encompassing product market.
What Kind of Cleavage is Appropriate?
Cleavage is pretty much around the corner in NYC - in several weeks, you'll be noticing fewer jackets (or skimpier jackets), and slim tops that may or may not modestly cover a woman's cleavage. Spring time welcomes the celebration of the female body - and men clearly appreciate it. However - how much cleavage is too much cleavage?
it's pretty intuitive that cleavage at work is a big no-no. It is pretty distracting, and can negatively affect how people treat and respect you as a person and as an employee. However, you shouldn't feel pressure to tape down your breasts with masking tape. According to Elisabeth Squires, author of "Boobs: A Guide to Your Girls," the appearance of breasts can help women in a workplace setting: "A recent study showed men photos of women in a workplace with large breasts showing cleavage, medium breasts and small breasts. When asked about who looked most professional and personable, the men chose the women with medium-sized breasts," she said. Squires further noted that "you don't have to be flat-chested to be taken seriously. You just have to be proportionate. For women who are small busted, that may mean a little padding. For well-endowed women, that may mean a minimizer." My take on all of this: I don't think it's too smart to show much cleavage at all in the workplace - I'm not sure how it wins respect from either men or women. I do, however, believe that a woman should feel comfortable with her size and wear clothing that fits appropriately - nothing too baggy, and nothing too tight. And I very much vouch for a minimizer on a woman if her bra is peaking through a button-down shirt. Victoria's Secret is a secret for a reason.
In everyday life, outside of the workplace, a woman has every right to show off as much as she wants, but the question is - is it a good idea to "bust" loose and show off the "girls"? I don't think so. I like the idea of "sexy modesty" - you shouldn't show much at all, but the clothing should fit in a way that very much flatters your figure. Women have been blessed with curves - show them off! Just don't show them off like a video vixen princess! BET does that enough already. In my own personal style, I try not to wear skinny jeans plus a tight top - I would rather wear looser bottoms with a flattering top, or tight jeans with a somewhat looser blouse. The only time I feel comfortable wearing extremely tight-fitting clothes is when I go running (spandex!) or a party that calls for tight-fitting attire.
The foundation of proper cleavage is a great bra. I'm a big fan of Victoria's Secret myself - plus, the employees there can measure your bust size (you should do this about twice a year, depending on how often your weight fluctuates). In particular, I love their "Very Sexy" collection - fits wonderfully!
Overall, a woman should very comfortable celebrating her curves, whether she is thin or thick. However, celebrate them in a way that wins respect, rather than encourage disrespect or the wrong sort of attention. And celebrate them with style!
Hot New Layout Look
I am more than thrilled that I found this layout, thanks to "ExoticMommie"! So excited! :o)
Some of my poetry for you....
Re-reading Into Perplexity
Rewrite your business upon the densest paper imaginable
Re-ask this spiritual unrest what the mathematical equation is to the answer you’ve provided as a solution to worry
And you will find your equation nonexistent.
And very few zero’s can be re-written as 2s or 3s.
Within unperplexed clarity I find myself subsumed in the ponds of peace
And grab nonchalanty for the first pencil that I can find
So that I can clarify for you
The point
Of complete, yet perplexed ramble, found within
This kaledeidoscopic dribble.
So please pause
And re-read
Into my perplexity.
Making Your Beauty Work for YOU
What is it about black eyeliner and mascara that really "gets" me? It pulls me in like candy draws a five year old, and I've been researching the best eyeliner and mascara that best suits me for years! I have even gone so far as to take some time during my travels to Europe and Asia to look for different types of makeup, hoping that perhaps markets abroad may offer a different and perhaps better melange of options.
It is very important to figure out what you like most about yourself and have fun enhancing it and playing it up to your advantage. I am very much about playing with eye makeup because I love the shape of my eyes (almond shape) and my eye color (brown), and I am very self-aware of what works/doesn't work for me. Make makeup work for you, rather than the other way around. Too often women walk up to beauty counters or stores for a "fix" - to be dazzled by the glitter and glitz of the makeup packaging, only to be disappointed by the resulting effect of the makeup on their face. And such disappointment doesn't exactly come cheap - the product that is now collecting dust on your shelf is the same product that somehow convinced you to shell out a whole bunch of cash to purchase it. (At times I wonder if the majority of the cost of the product is due to the glitzy packaging! That's a shame...).
That's why I very much encourage you to buy makeup and experiment with makeup with an agenda - if you even have to make a list before you go to the beauty store (I do this!), I encourage you to do so. And even before you leave your home, make sure to spend at least a minute or two studying your features in the mirror to figure out how EXACTLY you want to play with your look. When I say EXACTLY, I mean it - you want to nail your new look down to a science. The same way an artist knows how he wants his painting to look and buys the required materials to make it work, you need to study your palette and have a strong idea of what you are looking for, so you don't go out and waste money and time on a product that you will subsequently be a major disappointment (I've been there!).
I also encourage you to expand your perception of your best features. For example, you may think that your lips are your best feature, not realizing that if you shaped up your eyebrows and perhaps applied a little bronzer, you would make your look even more spicy. Every woman has SEVERAL features to play up, but we tend to focus on maybe only one or two features, probably because we don't always appreciate all of our features, or because people constantly compliment us on one particular feature and we therefore pay more attention it, rather than embracing more than just one great feature.
And if you think you don't have a great feature, I very much challenge you on that belief. I can find a great feature on just about anybody, so there is not much you could do to make me think otherwise if I took a look at you. Everyone is uniquely beautiful, and women have been blessed with a bounty of options to play their beauty up to their unique advantage - so have fun and explore your beauty!
