I've received some messages in my Youtube account, and have watched some informative videos on Youtube, that inspired me to write this blog post (and do a follow-up Youtube video as well). Many people in this world are in constant pursuit of perfection, and at times, that pursuit can evolve into a pressure that can feel overwhelming. For the person who feels that pressure, it can appear as a gnawing and constant pressure to measure up to a particular standard imposed on you by yourself, others, or what he or she perceive others to be pressuring them to be or become, and hopefully avoid a sense of failure rise to some level of accepted or ideal accomplishment. Interestingly enough, so many people live their lives day by day managing this pressure, and among these people, many are drowning within the pressure to various points of psychological breakdown/distress. You may not even realize that your best friend, colleague, family member, or an acquaintance that always seems to have their act together, is drowning in the pressure and would, if provided, appreciate a vacation from it.
I am no stranger to pressures to be perfect - hence, the reason why I feel qualified to write this post, and also a partial reason for my inspiration to label this blog, "Brains and Beauty." As a woman, I completely understand the pressures to look beautiful. As a student, I have always put pressure on myself to do well academically, and acknowledged good grades with a sense of accomplishment and a "pat on the back" for a job well done. As a daughter, I've put pressure on myself to be a perfect daughter who rarely makes mistakes, and live life perfectly. As a result, I've put pressure on myself to be the perfect combination of both brains and beauty, eventually coming to the conclusion in my mid-twenties that the pressure to be perfect was literally gnawing at my ability to reasonably enjoy my life to the fullest. On many days, I had an agenda to make strides towards some goal/combination of goals, and if I did not accomplish them, I would feel as if that day was a "less than perfect" day, and I went to bed feeling incomplete. Managing this pressure for perfection increasingly became a burden, and I began to realize that although this pressure may have helped me accomplish a lot within 25 years, there was a better way to live life and accomplish everything without attempting to measure up to a self-imposed standard of perfection.
What is that better way? There are various ways to be released from the pressure for perfection - for me, I chose my faith: Christianity. In the beginning of my law school career, I attended a church with a relaxed environment that discussed life principles and advice through lessons of the Bible, and I eventually realized and accepted that I was already "perfect" in the eyes of God and did not have to live for whatever self-imposed concept of perfection that existed in my own mind. I can honestly say that my law school experience was manageable and at times quite enjoyable primarily due to my faith in God.
Now, I understand that many of you who are reading this may not be Christian, believe in God, or experienced a relationship with God in a similar way, but I can tell you that if you need a release from a daily pressure for perfection, that release is truly possible. If you asked for my honest opinion about the ideal way, I would say that embracing a relationship with God and attending a church that is right for you is a great start (of course, I am speaking from personal experience). (Note: I am not asking you to embrace an idea of going through the motions of being a Christian - e.g., going to church, praying "traditional" prayers, etc. I specifically mean actually embracing a relationship with God and understanding how He really feels about you. Check out the ministries of Joel Osteen or Joyce Meyer online for some great examples).
Besides a faith-based approach, I would encourage you to write down what you feel pressure about on a day to day basis, and ask yourself why you feel that pressure, if that pressure is necessary in order to be successful, and begin to accept yourself and your accomplishments on a daily basis outside of that pressure. I also encourage you to consider therapy if needed, or check out self-help books (if you feel comfortable perusing them in the store, or if not, online), and dig your heels into ways you can enjoy your life a little bit better, every day.
There is no one cure-all solution to relieving yourself from pressure for perfection. Depending on your particular pressure(s), personality, lifestyle, etc., what works for you may be a tailored solution that may or may not have worked for me. But I will say this: one of the best things you can possibly do for your every day life is to unlearn this particular kind of pressure, and learn how to accomplish your daily goals and dreams, and be satisfied and comfortable with your work at the end of the day. This is not an overnight process - but if you commit to a particular solution on a day to day basis (and adjust it as needed), you'll eventually realize the benefits of feeling increasingly "pressure-less" and more personally satisfied, accomplished, complete, relaxed, and joyful overall in all areas of your life.
Pressures to be Perfect
Respect Yourself in an Age of Self-Obsession
I believe there is a fine line between respecting yourself and obsessing over yourself. I'll focus specifically on women when I say that a lot of us love to spend too much time and money investing in our beauty and our overall appearance, sometimes to the point of unhealthy self-obsession for the purposes of gaining respect from certain people, or pleasing whatever self-imposed standard that we believe we must fit every single day. I am a big fan of taking care of oneself and investing in creative ways to play with beauty and fashion, but I definitely do not believe in self-imposed "duties" of looking a certain way or permanently changing our appearance to gain more respect in society. Women transform all the time - they straighten/perm/cut/extend/etc. their hair, lose weight, get plastic surgery, and invest a lot of time in learning the latest fashion trends out of a fear that they may be left behind the "fashion train" and subsequently left outside the scope of society's approval. As a result, we forget who we are on the inside - we forget those hidden dreams, those hidden passions, those hidden fears that we have to conquer, and those hidden desires that only we know in our hearts. As much as I love to indulge in beauty and play with makeup, I never forget the fact that I need to take time daily to grow within. I personally like to spend time growing in my faith, reading books for leisure, and writing down every thought in my mind of the moment into the pages of my journal. A woman's soul, heart and mind do not change when she buys a new lipstick color or loses ten pounds. The only thrill that those things can get you is a temporary elated feeling that has a very small chance of carrying your happiness throughout the rest of the day. On the other hand, spending time nurturing yourself and exploring your passions has such a positive impact that can last a long time, and will help you get to a new level in your life's journey. The degree to which we allow society to dictate our life is the degree to which we lose sight of our hearts, our minds, and our true desires, and I wanted to take some time this morning to tell you that no one has the right to dictate how you should live your life or feel about yourself. What matters is that you respect yourself, that you love yourself, and that you are able to look in the mirror without any clothes and/or makeup on, be able to accept everything that you see, and say: "I am enough. I am beautiful."
Don't Let Anyone Steal Your Beauty: Commentary on Self-Esteem Part 1
On an episode of the Tyra Show last week (the show that featured the "Psychic Twins"), a girl admitted that the reason why she chose to date a particular guy (who she now suspected was cheating on her) was due to the fact that he flattered her and made her feel beautiful. In particular, she mentioned that she struggled with accepting her dark skin for a long time and that he made her feel beautiful. I automatically noted that comment in my mind, sensing its blog-worthiness, especially for my readers out there that sometimes feel insecure about their beauty or struggle with a particular physical feature that they had been teased about, or that they feel does not measure up to a beauty standard out there in the world today. I seriously wanted to pause the show, jump through the television to the stage and tell her: "Don't let anyone steal your beauty!" I've stated this time and time again on my blog, but I really don't put any limitations on reiterating the point because society does a great enough job at forcing insecurities down women's throats on a daily basis. So why not balance it out?
Ever since I started making the videos on YouTube and blogging, I've received some direct messages from young women who told me about some intense experiences in their childhood and/or adult life and as a result struggle with their self-esteem every single day. Now, I am going to be real with you and tell you that I, along with countless women, had to work on overcoming my own insecurities - which is why I feel entitled to provide others with some real advice on how to counter whatever self-esteem issues they may deal with everyday.
Society, predominately via the media, encourages women to be aesthetically perfect, or get as close to the "ideal" as possible. As a result, many of us slave over music, magazines, newspapers, internet links and television shows that reinforce the ideal, subconsciously convincing ourselves of a standard that we must conform to or unfortunately result in eventual imperfection. Some women feed off of their own insecurities and judge others that do not conform to the "ideal", and label them as regrettably imperfect and in need of some serious (fill in the blank - e.g. dieting, makeup, plastic surgery, hair styling, etc.).
We choose to absorb this idea of a "standard" to the point of psychological self-harm, opting to damage our otherwise strong sense of selves in order to receive societal approval. The ironic side to this story is the fact that society really never completely approves of anybody. Even Barbie has to reinvent herself in order to keep up with society's incessant, evolving and never-ending concept of ideal beauty. Like Barbie, many women in Hollywood also fight for perfection, requesting some of the most expensive and risky treatments in the name of beauty, and even then find themselves quite annoyed if they are not properly airbrushed in a photo in a magazine. And yet non-celebrity women idolize celebrity women as if they are perfect - and neither group can ever reach it because the standard is an elusive one meant to keep you reaching for something that will require a lot of time and money in order to attain - if you choose to buy into the standard.
Many of you will see where I am going with this post. But what I am about to say is not anything new - in fact, you probably already believe it. The biggest motivation for society's perpetuation of a beauty ideal is to maintain the success of the billion dollar beauty industry worldwide. Everyday, we are inundated with messages from makeup companies, stores, and brand name luxury goods that tell us - you will be one step closer to your ideal self if you indulge in these products and make them a part of your identity. As a result, we choose to make many purchases in the name of identity enhancement, convincing ourselves that we can buy our self-esteem and take one step above the rest in the race entitled "I am Better than You." The intriguing aspect of this race is - it is only real to the extent that we individually choose to participate in it. And the extent to which you choose not to participate is the extent to which your identity is independent of the beauty standard.
Of course, self-esteem independent of society approval is easier said than done. When inundated with messages re: perfection, sometimes it is easier to indulge and give in rather than resist. I choose to appreciate the marketing tactics and the messages on a very superficial level, taking what I want from them and rejecting what I don't care for. To give you a real example, I tune in and tune out certain commercials. For example, when I see a mascara commercial, I'll tune in and listen and watch the commercial, knowing full well that the company is trying as hard as possible to get my attention, make me pick up my purse, and run to the beauty counter to pick up their latest lengthening mascara (and of course, the model in the commercial is wearing fake eyelashes so that doesn't exactly provide a realistic example for me anyway). But I sometimes appreciate the attempt and may look at the product in the store or look for a product review on YouTube to see what people really think about it. On the other hand, when I see commercials about a weight-loss pill or some magic dieting plan, I immediately tune out. Why? We live in a dieting-obsessed culture, and I have never been interested in being very thin. I instead prefer to just stay in shape, try to eat healthy (with the occasional junk food binge), and appreciate my body by wearing certain clothes that complement my shape. At the end of day, I am more than thrilled to be a woman, and like experimenting with fashion and makeup without being TOLD that I have to conform to a certain trend or image. In other words - I am very stubborn with the messages I choose to absorb/not absorb. And some of my dear friends tend to be just as stubborn in their own ways.
Which is why I encourage you to invest some energy in finding out what sort of messages are contributing to the growth of your self-confidence as well as the destruction of your self-esteem (leading to insecurities). In my opinion, that is step number 1 to building up your sense of self, independent of whatever society may have to say about who you are/what you are/what you should be.
This is quite a long post on this topic so I will post more about self-esteem in future blog posts, so definitely stay tuned. Insightful comments are welcome! :) 
Claiming Your Victory in Troubled Times
Living in New York City, I've noticed an increasing number of troubled faces, especially as of late. The economy has hit every city around the world on some catastrophic level, and the Big Apple has unfortunately endured a monster bite, leaving many New Yorkers miserable and wondering about their jobs, their finances, their families, their...everything! As a law student, I've noticed that some of my colleagues are concerned about the security of their law firm job offers here in New York City, since many firms here have unfortunately been negatively affected by the recession. For anyone who is worried about any particular issue and craves a more optimistic outlook, I would like to offer you a simple coin of wisdom: Claim your victory!
How exactly do you "claim victory", you ask? It's simple: it is a thought-processing mechanism that you consciously kick into gear from the moment you wake up in the morning until the moment you go to bed at night. Positively evaluate your self-confidence outside of your circumstances, rather than remain swallowed by your circumstances. Despite what the media or society may say, your victory and your perception of your victory is not at all attached to any particular monetary/relational/academic accomplishment - it is instead attached to your conceptualization of how YOU view yourself in whatever circumstance. Your perception of self has a key role to play in your daily comprehension and evaluation of situations and issues happening to you and around you. If you claim victory first thing in the morning - nothing can stop you. Your perspective on situations will 100% change once you speak confidence and joy into your mind and your life - fewer things will get on your nerves, you will have a calmer and more focused response to situations, and you will have a more peaceful mindset for planning and problem-solving. So don't forget to sprinkle in some "victory-talk" into your cup of joe tomorrow morning!
In light of being and feeling victorious, it is also necessary to be realistic about your life plans and always have a realistic "plan B" while also having strong faith in your "plan A" as well. If you find that it is very easy to give up when situations become challenging, I very much encourage you to simply consider those challenging situations as a test for you to challenge yourself to rise to a higher and more victorious level of thought life. One of the things that many people do not realize is that negative self-speak is one of the top reasons why people self-sabotage their dreams and ascent to the next level in whatever arena in their lives. If you have a particular goal for 2009, and you find yourself negatively speaking over something in your life, you should switch up your speech and start speaking victory, confidence and accomplishment over that issue instead, as if you know and believe that you will achieve that goal. "The Secret" tries to label this mental strategy as some sort of metaphysical secret knowledge that only successful and happy people know about and implement in their lives. What do I call it? Common sense for a more joyful, peaceful, and triumphant life! 
