I just watched a clip of the Tyra Banks Show and was astonished by the very innocent-looking young woman on stage who felt very comfortable discussing her very promiscuous sex life as well as telling her parents about her different sexual experiences (who, by the way, were sitting right next to her). Like Tyra, my mouth dropped to the floor on several occasions, and I could not help but wonder - to what degree has "Sex and the City" become the norm among today's young women? To some degree we are shaped by the media we indulge in, and I am not surprised that the young woman on the Tyra Show admittedly related to Carrie Bradshaw (the main character on SATC). But I am more than disappointed in the fact that she (and I am sure plenty of other women) finds Carrie's type of behavior acceptable in society. One of the biggest take away points that I wanted to share in my brief blog post today is the fact that there is a BIG difference between television and reality when it comes to matters of romance, sex and the heart. Just like video games and violence have an impact on young men and their perception of real world violence, sex on television (think Gossip Girls, Sex and the City, and many soap operas, to name a few media items) have a major impact on young women who are looking for some sort of intimacy with the opposite sex. Very rarely do we see the innocent interactions between men and women as we saw on the hit television show, "Friends" (I adored that show!). Instead, we are taken more than knee-deep into the lustful passions of women both young and not-so-young, and as women relate more and more to the characters, the more they identify with the actions of the characters and consider incorporating such decision-making (wrong or right) into their own everyday lives.
To answer the question, "Has Sex and the City taken over today's teens?," I would love to answer, "No way!" However, my ideal answer and the real answer unfortunately may not sync up.
Has "Sex and the City" taken over today's teens?
The “Right” Man for Me – and A Beautiful Goodbye to All the “Wrong” Ones
There is something to be said about finding the “right” person for you – it is a wonderful experience. Everything fits, you love the person, and you are looking forward to your future together. However, what determines a person “rightness”? To what degree are they inherently “right,” or to what degree are they “right” because you experienced “wrong” ones? One could easily respond – “Who cares? If you find the right person, then the other ones shouldn’t even matter.” My response? Agreed – but my question specifically focuses on this question: To what degree did the wrong ones actually shape the existence of someone being “right”? Perhaps, if you never dated the wrong ones, you would have never known what you did or did not like in a partner, and perhaps may not have met one that specifically fits your interests, personality, lifestyle, etc.
Now, I know this is not at all the most appropriate forum to discuss my dating history (I reserve that for my journal ;)), but I will say that I have a peculiar penchant for men who share my faith (I am Christian), are emotionally in tune with me, have similar career/lifestyle interests, and are gentlemen through and through. I also admire a man who knows how to court a woman – and yes, that may seem old-fashioned, but it works for me.
In addition to my man’s “rightness” overall, his courtship skills won me over. We started off as friends, at a time when I was not in the mood to date anybody. But he said something that stuck in my mind: “I like you a lot, and if you ever gave me the green light on the door, I would walk through.” Simple, and to the point. It gave me the space and time to really think about him as well as “us” as a couple. His statement pretty much meant – I was giving him the red light at the moment, and if I always chose to give him the red light, he would respect that. But if I ever gave a green light signal, he would court me and then commence a serious relationship. It is a statement that I will never forget. Ever since I gave him the green light, it has been on ever since. We cherish each other, and we love each other through and through.
Caution for those who would like to avoid repeating another bad relationship: Fine-tune your “choosing criteria.” For example, I purposely made it a point to go through my prior relationships and think about what it was that I liked/did not like about the relationships, and figure out what I did right/wrong as well as what he did right/wrong, so as to make a more educated decision when the right guy came along. Result? My “choosing criteria” thought process was one of the best things I could have ever done – I became more aware of what I wanted, but most importantly, I knew what did work/did not work for me. As a result, I saved myself a lot of headache by avoiding certain relationships and instead chose to wait it out until I knew the right person was standing in front of me. Caution: Do not automatically shut yourself off from a potentially great partner just because they remind you of your ex (their national origin, race, religion, whatever). I have noticed many people do this, but I have always thought that it was better to get to know a person before automatically putting them in the “eek, he reminds me of my ex, and that really creeps me out” category.
Random note: What is “right” for me is not necessarily right for you (and likewise, what is “wrong” for me may very well be “right” for you). “Right” is a relative term with a basic and very important level of objectivity (does the person treat you well, respect you, etc.). The term is mostly “subjective” and is determined by your own perception of what works for you, and what you want (and what you do not want) in your present and future. 
I encourage you to take your family and friends’ advice for your relationships (from an objective standpoint, they may be able to see not-so-great qualities in that person that you may not notice, especially if you are already infatuated with the person), but keep in mind that only you will be in the relationship, not them, and you are the one who will ultimately have to deal with your partner. So make an educated decision, and be happy with your finely-tuned definition of “right.” ☺
Are "Open Relationships" a Good Idea?
"Open relationships" seem to be the "in thing" among young people today, yet I cannot understand why anyone would put themselves through this sort of relational headache. An "open relationship" (e.g. two people who are sort of "together" but choose not to be tied to each other - just yet or at all) is just another way of saying, "He/She is just not all that into you." If I chose to seriously date someone, it was after the man made it known that he was really into me and wanted to be committed to me, 100%. I have never settled for anything less, simply because I knew what I deserved - a person that respected me, my heart, my spirit, etc. etc. I also knew I didn't want to waste my time with someone that I knew wasn't the best person for me. For those who believe that an "open relationship" is easier for them since it is supposedly "easier" than a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - I very much encourage you to comment on this post and explain your reasoning - because in my opinion, open relationships are just an excuse for saying - "You're alright, but I can do better" or "You're alright, but I'm not really into being with you completely right now." Either statement is a slap in anybody's face - so why bother stand there to receive it? Move on to somebody who is more worthy of your time!
My thoughts on a better type of relationship: I have an "old-school" mentality, despite only being 26 years old. I truly do believe that a man should take it upon himself to truly "court" a woman - to treat her like a princess with his heart, his words, and his actions. He should take it upon himself to creatively demonstrate his interest in her, by getting to know her, spending time with her, while also respecting her and her interests as well. He should also make it known that he is interested in her, but should not force his interest upon her if she declines the pursuit. Also - at some point during the courtship, both people should talk about the idea of considering moving the relationship to a a more committed stance - "boyfriend"/"girlfriend". In my opinion, courtship is ideal because it allows both people to get to know each other without making such a huge commitment that feelings easily get very hurt should either party choose to go separate ways.
In my relationship, I very much felt courted and treasured by my boyfriend, who took it upon himself to court me and make me feel like a princess before we decided to be in a relationship. I encourage others to reconsider their beliefs about relationships and purge the ideas of "hooking up" or "open relationships," and instead trade up for something more "old-school" - courtship - which is way more respecting of both parties involved in the relationship transaction. 
