A good friend of mine (a young black man) was a bit shocked at a situation that recently happened to him: He explained that as he casually walked down the street on the Upper East Side in New York City (in his sports clothes, since he just finished playing basketball on a nearby court), a young woman who was walking her dog in his direction on the sidewalk decided to immediately cross the street upon seeing him. I did not want to automatically assume that this woman freaked out upon seeing a black man and crossed the street on impulse, so I asked him if he thought her decision had anything to do with his skin color. Unfortunately, it did - he explained that she was walking her dog, her head was looking down, and when she looked up, they made brief eye contact with each other, she noticed he was walking in her direction, looked startled/shocked, and she (along with her dog) then made a immediate sharp right turn off the sidewalk and successfully slid between two tightly-parked cars on the street to get to the sidewalk across the street.
Note: He is black, and she is Asian. They have never met before or had any type of interaction.
My friend was quite confused about the whole ordeal, and didn't quite understand how, in the 21st century, in the age of Obama, that this woman could possibly have an irrational fear of a black man. He wasn't necessarily mad about it - but he was definitely surprised that a young woman (in her early 20s) could have reacted to him (in my opinion, a nice-looking guy who happened to be dressed in his basketball-playing gear) in such a drastic and strange way. Now, admittedly, not too many blacks live on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, so perhaps he looked out of place, but there was nothing menacing or strange about his appearance. I do, however, believe that she most likely has been heavily influenced by an incredibly biased media that has done an amazing job at convincing people that blacks - particularly young black men - are people to be naturally afraid of on a day to day basis ("negrophobia"). And yet, at the same time, the media is currently promoting positive images of President Obama and his family. Perhaps she, along with many other people, view the Obamas as the exception to the rule - that perhaps, they could very well be the Cosbys/the "family next door." However, I have never viewed the Obamas as the exception - I saw them as the rule and the standard, and I consider the negative images of blacks on television as the extreme exception that has been blown out of proportion by a media desperate and eager to pigeon-hole blacks into particular categories.
Interestingly enough, my friend noted that he found it strange that this woman happened to be a minority as well (Asian) and decided to react to him in such a harsh manner, particularly in light of the fact that a older white couple was simultaneously passing by him without even flinching. When he asked me about my thoughts on that particular issue, I reflected back to the beliefs we choose to accept/reject about the "other" - and clearly, the young woman had absorbed a perception about black men that directly led to her decision to act so irrationally. I sometimes wonder if the Obama presidency will help reverse erroneous, idiotic, and obviously stereotypical beliefs about black people and potentially reverse the negative stereotypes that may be embedded in some people's consciousness/subconciousness. I guess only time will tell...
Showing posts with label black men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label black men. Show all posts
Obama is President, and Yet She Crossed the Street...
Monday, May 11, 2009
Why “Black Love”? True Love Has No Color – Or Does It?
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
To what degree is it really necessary to call a black couple an example of “black love”? This term (used frequently during the black power movement in the 1960s and '70s) positively acknowledges and emphasizes the beauty of love between two black people. The term has re-appeared quite a bit lately, particularly in light of the obviously intense love connection between President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama. In light of the term’s current popularity, I can’t help but wonder if it is really necessary to support any particular “type” – or shall I say – “race” – of love. On some level, I can understand that some people want to celebrate the beauty of black love in the face of increasing numbers of interracial relationships (particularly between blacks and whites), but I can honestly say that I am troubled by the idea of anyone limiting their choice of a partner by the color of one’s skin. When my boyfriend (who is black/African-American) and I talked about the topic of black love and interracial dating, we both acknowledged the fact that we would have chosen to date each other despite whatever race we happened to be, because we fell in love with each other’s hearts, spirits, minds, personalities, characters, etc., not necessarily the skin color. Do I find his skin color absolutely wonderful? Yes – I am in love with his delicious shade of brown. And do I find black men particularly attractive? Yes I do. But have I ever limited my dating options to only black men? No, I have not. However, I will honestly say that there is something to be said about having intimate and intellectual discussions with my partner on topics such as racism or minority issues in this country and abroad. Black men are not the only people who are able to contribute to such discussion topics – but in my experience, they have always had some really deep insight into race relations (due to both their personal experiences as well as the experiences of their family and peers) that I have always found refreshing. My boyfriend and I are able to have deep discussions about culture and race while acknowledging that it is absolutely impossible to limit any particular cultural, religious, ethnic or racial group into any specific thinking pattern or mindset, which contributes to healthy and deep conversations between the two of us. As a first-generation American (my family is from Jamaica), my thoughts on race and my personal experiences as a black woman in this country sometimes contrast with my boyfriend’s experiences as an African-American male whose family roots back to American slavery and whose family relations are spread out all over the country - but we love to agree to disagree, contributing very different viewpoints and stories on some very sensitive issues relating to racial/ethnic relations.
Having written my cultural anthropology thesis at Harvard College (years ago) on interracial dating, I feel somewhat entitled to contribute some opinion on this somewhat controversial topic. Although I do not plan to share the intimate accounts from that thesis in this current blog post, I will say that many people (more people than you may believe) are socially trained not to consider dating outside of their race, and that is such a sad realization. I have heard people from various racial backgrounds say that they would love to date someone of another race but they don’t know how that person would be received by their family and peers and therefore don’t want to deal with the potential hassle. I have also heard people jump to the conclusion that someone from another race probably has different viewpoints and perspectives on life that they would not even be able to get along or find anything in common as a couple. Despite increasing numbers of interracial couples, there are plenty of people out there who are nervous about approaching a man or woman of another race, and I am very much looking forward to this social fear dissipating from America’s consciousness and subconsciousness (easier said than done, considering the country's tumultuous and horrifying history of race relations). America may be a “cultural melting pot,” but unfortunately the “brew” in the pot only tends to really mix for the most part between 9am to 5pm on weekdays, and then after hours are comprised of mostly racially monogamous get-togethers and social gatherings. When we answer “yes” to the question, “can't we all just get along?,” that “yes” requires some effort to really understand and educate yourself on the “other,” be open-minded to “the other,” and feel comfortable having a real conversation with “the other.” Until that happens more often, the occasional and sometimes subtle distaste for interracial relations will unfortunately continue to linger like an uninvited but nevertheless present “elephant in the room,” and potentially prevent the formation of a lot of great relationships.
True love does not have a color – it may just have a preference, which, in my opinion, is totally fine. I may have a preference for black men, but I do find men of all races and ethnicities attractive and have always been open-minded to dating them. A white man can have a preference for blonds, but that does not automatically preclude him from finding an Indian woman very appealing. A black man may have a preference for Chinese women, but that does not stop him from appreciating the glow of a beautiful black woman. From my perspective, there should be no social rules as to who we should or should not date, but they do exist like a strong, invisible and forceful undercurrent underneath an otherwise smooth-flowing river. I really do believe that every person should sit back and think about whether or not they are truly only attracted to a certain group – or if they don’t feel comfortable dating outside certain racial groups due to a fear of social stigmatization. In my opinion, society’s opinion of your love life and the matters of your heart should not matter in the least. Do you really want society telling you who should or should not enter your bedroom? I hope not! What should really matter is whether or not that person, regardless of race, really makes your heart beat faster when you see them, that you enjoy their company when they are around, and that you both have a workable relationship vibe that is able to stand the test of both good and bad times. Superficially-based and socially-constructed relationships are flawed from the outset – we need to move past the “rules” and forget about whether or not a couple is representative of “Black love,” “White love,” or “Asian love,” and just focus on the fact that the couple is representative of the key word that binds them both: love. It may sound really cheesy, but when all is said and done, your heart knows no color. Perhaps the frustration of today’s current dating scene could ease up if people let their hearts rule, and put their minds and the social constructions buried within, to rest.
President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama
Eva Marcille and Lance Gross
To what degree is it really necessary to call a black couple an example of “black love”? This term (used frequently during the black power movement in the 1960s and '70s) positively acknowledges and emphasizes the beauty of love between two black people. The term has re-appeared quite a bit lately, particularly in light of the obviously intense love connection between President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama. In light of the term’s current popularity, I can’t help but wonder if it is really necessary to support any particular “type” – or shall I say – “race” – of love. On some level, I can understand that some people want to celebrate the beauty of black love in the face of increasing numbers of interracial relationships (particularly between blacks and whites), but I can honestly say that I am troubled by the idea of anyone limiting their choice of a partner by the color of one’s skin. When my boyfriend (who is black/African-American) and I talked about the topic of black love and interracial dating, we both acknowledged the fact that we would have chosen to date each other despite whatever race we happened to be, because we fell in love with each other’s hearts, spirits, minds, personalities, characters, etc., not necessarily the skin color. Do I find his skin color absolutely wonderful? Yes – I am in love with his delicious shade of brown. And do I find black men particularly attractive? Yes I do. But have I ever limited my dating options to only black men? No, I have not. However, I will honestly say that there is something to be said about having intimate and intellectual discussions with my partner on topics such as racism or minority issues in this country and abroad. Black men are not the only people who are able to contribute to such discussion topics – but in my experience, they have always had some really deep insight into race relations (due to both their personal experiences as well as the experiences of their family and peers) that I have always found refreshing. My boyfriend and I are able to have deep discussions about culture and race while acknowledging that it is absolutely impossible to limit any particular cultural, religious, ethnic or racial group into any specific thinking pattern or mindset, which contributes to healthy and deep conversations between the two of us. As a first-generation American (my family is from Jamaica), my thoughts on race and my personal experiences as a black woman in this country sometimes contrast with my boyfriend’s experiences as an African-American male whose family roots back to American slavery and whose family relations are spread out all over the country - but we love to agree to disagree, contributing very different viewpoints and stories on some very sensitive issues relating to racial/ethnic relations.
Having written my cultural anthropology thesis at Harvard College (years ago) on interracial dating, I feel somewhat entitled to contribute some opinion on this somewhat controversial topic. Although I do not plan to share the intimate accounts from that thesis in this current blog post, I will say that many people (more people than you may believe) are socially trained not to consider dating outside of their race, and that is such a sad realization. I have heard people from various racial backgrounds say that they would love to date someone of another race but they don’t know how that person would be received by their family and peers and therefore don’t want to deal with the potential hassle. I have also heard people jump to the conclusion that someone from another race probably has different viewpoints and perspectives on life that they would not even be able to get along or find anything in common as a couple. Despite increasing numbers of interracial couples, there are plenty of people out there who are nervous about approaching a man or woman of another race, and I am very much looking forward to this social fear dissipating from America’s consciousness and subconsciousness (easier said than done, considering the country's tumultuous and horrifying history of race relations). America may be a “cultural melting pot,” but unfortunately the “brew” in the pot only tends to really mix for the most part between 9am to 5pm on weekdays, and then after hours are comprised of mostly racially monogamous get-togethers and social gatherings. When we answer “yes” to the question, “can't we all just get along?,” that “yes” requires some effort to really understand and educate yourself on the “other,” be open-minded to “the other,” and feel comfortable having a real conversation with “the other.” Until that happens more often, the occasional and sometimes subtle distaste for interracial relations will unfortunately continue to linger like an uninvited but nevertheless present “elephant in the room,” and potentially prevent the formation of a lot of great relationships.
True love does not have a color – it may just have a preference, which, in my opinion, is totally fine. I may have a preference for black men, but I do find men of all races and ethnicities attractive and have always been open-minded to dating them. A white man can have a preference for blonds, but that does not automatically preclude him from finding an Indian woman very appealing. A black man may have a preference for Chinese women, but that does not stop him from appreciating the glow of a beautiful black woman. From my perspective, there should be no social rules as to who we should or should not date, but they do exist like a strong, invisible and forceful undercurrent underneath an otherwise smooth-flowing river. I really do believe that every person should sit back and think about whether or not they are truly only attracted to a certain group – or if they don’t feel comfortable dating outside certain racial groups due to a fear of social stigmatization. In my opinion, society’s opinion of your love life and the matters of your heart should not matter in the least. Do you really want society telling you who should or should not enter your bedroom? I hope not! What should really matter is whether or not that person, regardless of race, really makes your heart beat faster when you see them, that you enjoy their company when they are around, and that you both have a workable relationship vibe that is able to stand the test of both good and bad times. Superficially-based and socially-constructed relationships are flawed from the outset – we need to move past the “rules” and forget about whether or not a couple is representative of “Black love,” “White love,” or “Asian love,” and just focus on the fact that the couple is representative of the key word that binds them both: love. It may sound really cheesy, but when all is said and done, your heart knows no color. Perhaps the frustration of today’s current dating scene could ease up if people let their hearts rule, and put their minds and the social constructions buried within, to rest.
The New and Cool Black Male - The Obama Standard?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
For a while, the "thug" look has been the in-thing for many men across America, particularly black men, and it has crossed over states and nations (thanks to the music industry), encouraging men of all races to embody the idea that the "thug look" is in, thereby supposedly gaining respect from others (or perhaps, invoke fear) as well as the digits from the ladies - if you can pull off the "thug look" with at least an adequate amount of authenticity. I've never been into the look - but that could easily be due to the fact that I grew up as a very sheltered girl in the suburbs of Long Island, and never knew anybody personally that even cared to embody the "thug look" -I only saw it on television for the most part and found it to be the opposite extreme of what I normally found attractive - the semi-preppy look (think "Theo" from the Cosby Show or Dwayne Wayne from "A Different World"). Furthermore, since I've always been attracted to smart guys, I struggled with equating "thuggy" with "smart" - there has always been a disconnect between being smart and being a thug that the media had no problem perpetuating within the music industry as well as on daytime/nighttime television.
Now that Obama is President of the United States, will he become the new role model for black men, embodying a new "cool standard" that black men will adhere to and as a result create a new cool standard across the nation and the world? Will a college degree and a quick wit make certain men rise above the rest when it comes to winning a woman's affection? According to CNN, black men have already started adopting Obama's hairstyle (originally called the "Caesar" in black barbershops, and has recently been relabeled "the Obama"). I wonder to what degree will this Obama fascination extend beyond a haircut style, and encourage young men across America and the world to finally forfeit this "thug" standard, and trade it in for "suave, cool, and smart." Many black men already embody this "suave, cool and smart" standard (think Morris Chestnut's character in "Two Can Play That Game") - perhaps Obama's presence in the media will finally push the thuggy standard into the shadows of the hip hop industry and allow the new "cool" to rise up to the pedestal.
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