You probably see these quick tips in magazines ALL the time, but the list that I found in July 2009's Redbook magazine, "Looking for love: 5 ways to get started," (p.94), is actually quite good and to the point. I have to admit, it is incredibly easy to say to oneself: "No one is out there for me!," but I beg to differ: every woman can find a good match out in the world, and every man can do the same as well. I will speak from personal experience when I tell you that when my boyfriend and I met, I wasn't necessarily looking for love at all, but we became very good friends, and after a while, it just made sense to seal the deal and make our relationship permanent, because we loved each other too much to not be with each other. The love story that you tell (or will tell) may be the same, or may be different. Either way, don't lose hope on finding that special one. The five tips listed below provide some great insight and some hope:
---------------------------------------
Redbook Magazine, "Looking for Love: 5 ways to get started," (p.94)
-by: Nicole Yorio
1. Get a Life. Maintain an exciting schedule full of friends, hobbies, and activities you love. Being happy in your life will draw others to you.
2. Get out there. Take advantage of online dating services, blind dates set up by friends, or classes where you might connect with someone with similar interests. Keep an open mind - you never know whom you'll discover.
3. Don't be shy. Make eye contact, smile, and start conversations. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is interested in the world.
4. Move on. If you feel sure that a guy doesn't have what you're seeking, don't keep seeing him. Each additional date with the wrong person is a missed opportunity to meet the right one.
5. Enjoy the journey. You're meeting new people, trying new activities, and exploring the fun, sexy side of yourself. The guy for you will come when the time is right.
-------------------------------------------------
My favorite tip: #5! It is a perfect combo of all of the aforementioned tips, and I love the statement: "The guy for you will come when the time is right." Too many of us want the guy to come when we want him to come. Let life work itself out - you may be pleasantly surprised by what you trip upon when you are in the process of falling in love with yourself and life, first.
Some Quick Tips for Those Looking for Love
When a Relationship Argument Evolves Into Peace
Relationships require work, and they also require some understanding and emotional maneuvering when either minor or major difficulties come up and we have to make decisions on how to respond with our partner. I can speak from experience and tell you that I am not perfect when it comes to settling relationship arguments quickly - I have at times operated out of too much emotion rather than logic in order to support my argument or position on whatever topic happened to be the hot issue of the moment. However, with some self-analysis and increasing appreciation for maintaining as much peace as possible in all of my close relationships, I am now more able to recognize when I am operating too much out of emotion, which has definitely improved communication with my partner and the overall peace of our relationship.
I enjoyed reading this short article on Redbook Magazine's website (linked below) by a woman who decided that it was time to lay down her weapons, excuse herself from battle, and embrace peace with her partner instead of battling out an unnecessary argument:
---------------------------------------
"How to Stand Up for Yourself" (Redbook Magazine Online)
Who knew that laying down my weapons could be so gratifying?
My husband and I were fighting. This was several years ago, so I can't remember the catalyst, but I'm sure it was something trivial. In the midst of a hot summer, we had just moved from a rambling house in the country to a one-bedroom apartment in the city. Although we loved the Alsatian restaurant down the street and the lecture series at the nearby university, we found ourselves constantly tripping over each other and, worse, each other's stuff. Our formerly infrequent quarrels suddenly became a daily routine.
In the outside world, with polite acquaintances, I am not a confrontational person. But most of my ex-boyfriends would tell you that in romantic relationships I am a scrapper. I always loved that Phyllis Diller quote, "Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight." One old flame complained that I never accepted anything less from my opponent than complete and utter surrender, and while I'm sure I argued the point, I was secretly pleased. Why should I apologize for standing up for myself? I believed — and still do — that it's one of the most important abilities a woman can possess.
But that summer, even I had to admit my penchant for battle was wearing thin. Here we stood, squabbling again, the breeze ruffling the curtains of our open windows and our voices probably disturbing the neighbors' peace. It was late afternoon, and while I wasn't ready to capitulate, I just didn't have the heart to stay up and fight. The apartment was too small for me to escape into another room. So I left, quietly closing the door behind me. For the first couple of blocks I expected my husband to come running after me. When he didn't, I thought for a moment about turning around and going back to battle. But I had already started to forget what had caused our fight in the first place. It felt so nice to be out walking, by myself, not racking my brain for the next winning point. I stopped to window-shop outside the bookstore and noticed a neon sign beckoning from a few doors down: Nail Salon. Those two little words took the fight right out of me, and I decided to get myself a pedicure.
While I sat there in the lovely, artificial cool of the salon, soaking my feet, my calves massaged and my blisters pumiced away, I thought about all the times I'd refused to budge until my opponent — my loved one — conceded victory. What, exactly, had I ever gained? And why did I feel this imperative to win? From almost the moment I'd walked out of that apartment, I had felt calm and peaceful. Like myself again. Maybe standing up for that self didn't always have to involve a fight. Maybe sometimes it required a concession. So I left a tip I couldn't afford and headed home in a glow of contrition and forgiveness.
When I got home, I found my husband giving off the very same glow. He jumped off the couch and spread his arms wide. "Where were you?" he asked. He didn't seem to notice my toes, beautifully painted "I'm Not Really a Waitress" red.
I told him I'd gone for a walk, he hugged me, and that was that. I didn't feel like I'd lost — in fact, just the opposite. Who knew that laying down my weapons could be so gratifying? Some battles, it turned out, just weren't worth staying up for — a lesson that granted me peace that night, and for all the nights that have followed.
---------------------------------------------------------
Maintain Your Love For Self and Independence in a Relationship
It is incredibly important to maintain a sense of independence and and self-worth in a relationship. I've noticed that it is so easy to fall captive to the identity of the other person or the relationship itself, easily losing oneself in the name of love. I have had friends disappear into relationships, never to be seen again (or very rare sightings), and I can speak for myself when I say that I've done the same exact thing and have wondered if I let some of my friendships slide as a result of my interest in dedicating a large portion of my time to my significant other. My situation, however, is a little unique due to the fact that I am in a long-distance relationship and only see my boyfriend once a week to once every three weeks, so I like to spend as much time as possible with him when he is in town. However, I've recently decided to recapture some of my own personal interests from my youth (learning foreign languages, poetry, writing, dance) and explore them on my own, with friends, and also with my boyfriend. Here are some personal tips for maintaining your independence in a long-term relationship: 
1) Keep a diary and write down your favorite hobbies and passions that peak your interest.
2) Talk to your partner about some creative ways you can explore each other's interests. For example, my boyfriend and I both love poetry (we actually met through our love for poetry), but when it comes to his love for hunting and fishing or my love for dance, he and I make conscious efforts to appreciate each other's passions and learn more about them.
3) When you are apart, try to recapture your passions a little more in-depth and hang out with friends that share that interest.
4) Do not forfeit your friendships in the name of love - I've had plenty of conversations with girlfriends who hate it when their friends disappear when they find a man. Remember that relationships can come and go, but your friends can be there forever. So don't forget to call them and see how they are doing, go out for coffee to catch up, or do something fun together. Also, if you have a friend in a relationship, you can double date!
5) Make a list of passions you would like to explore in the future on your own - perhaps you've always dreamt about going rock climbing or skiing. Even if your partner isn't into those things, that does not at all stop you from taking the time to explore them on your own or with friends. Remember - you and your partner are not one human being - both of you are two separate people with some things in common, and some things not in common. Do not forget about the hobbies and interests that make you unique and make your heart beat a little bit faster.
One of the reasons why I love my boyfriend so much is the fact that he has an intense interest in several hobbies, and has become an expert in many of them. I have always admired his dedication to those hobbies and was inspired to re-evaluate my hobby interests as well and explore them a little bit further. As a result, I have made it a point to read more Spanish and French literature and practice speaking those two languages a bit more. I want to start learning German and Korean in the near future. I would like to re-start my yoga and pilates exercise regimens, work on writing a novel, re-start fencing lessons, and privately work on some dance choreography and consider taking some ballroom dance lessons in the future (which was recently inspired by "Dancing With the Stars" - yes, I can be corny sometimes! :)). I also plan to re-start my knitting lessons, sketching/drawing art, and delve into literature that I have previously put on the bookshelf to be read at some point in the future. When it comes to my love for traveling around the country and the world, I have always loved traveling alone and figuring my way around by myself, but I plan to travel more with my boyfriend, and share some great experiences together.
Always remember that when you are whole, you add substantially more to your relationship, so why not re-find yourself and remember what makes your heart beat with passion? It's never to late to remember your passions and explore them. So why not start today? :)
The “Right” Man for Me – and A Beautiful Goodbye to All the “Wrong” Ones
There is something to be said about finding the “right” person for you – it is a wonderful experience. Everything fits, you love the person, and you are looking forward to your future together. However, what determines a person “rightness”? To what degree are they inherently “right,” or to what degree are they “right” because you experienced “wrong” ones? One could easily respond – “Who cares? If you find the right person, then the other ones shouldn’t even matter.” My response? Agreed – but my question specifically focuses on this question: To what degree did the wrong ones actually shape the existence of someone being “right”? Perhaps, if you never dated the wrong ones, you would have never known what you did or did not like in a partner, and perhaps may not have met one that specifically fits your interests, personality, lifestyle, etc.
Now, I know this is not at all the most appropriate forum to discuss my dating history (I reserve that for my journal ;)), but I will say that I have a peculiar penchant for men who share my faith (I am Christian), are emotionally in tune with me, have similar career/lifestyle interests, and are gentlemen through and through. I also admire a man who knows how to court a woman – and yes, that may seem old-fashioned, but it works for me.
In addition to my man’s “rightness” overall, his courtship skills won me over. We started off as friends, at a time when I was not in the mood to date anybody. But he said something that stuck in my mind: “I like you a lot, and if you ever gave me the green light on the door, I would walk through.” Simple, and to the point. It gave me the space and time to really think about him as well as “us” as a couple. His statement pretty much meant – I was giving him the red light at the moment, and if I always chose to give him the red light, he would respect that. But if I ever gave a green light signal, he would court me and then commence a serious relationship. It is a statement that I will never forget. Ever since I gave him the green light, it has been on ever since. We cherish each other, and we love each other through and through.
Caution for those who would like to avoid repeating another bad relationship: Fine-tune your “choosing criteria.” For example, I purposely made it a point to go through my prior relationships and think about what it was that I liked/did not like about the relationships, and figure out what I did right/wrong as well as what he did right/wrong, so as to make a more educated decision when the right guy came along. Result? My “choosing criteria” thought process was one of the best things I could have ever done – I became more aware of what I wanted, but most importantly, I knew what did work/did not work for me. As a result, I saved myself a lot of headache by avoiding certain relationships and instead chose to wait it out until I knew the right person was standing in front of me. Caution: Do not automatically shut yourself off from a potentially great partner just because they remind you of your ex (their national origin, race, religion, whatever). I have noticed many people do this, but I have always thought that it was better to get to know a person before automatically putting them in the “eek, he reminds me of my ex, and that really creeps me out” category.
Random note: What is “right” for me is not necessarily right for you (and likewise, what is “wrong” for me may very well be “right” for you). “Right” is a relative term with a basic and very important level of objectivity (does the person treat you well, respect you, etc.). The term is mostly “subjective” and is determined by your own perception of what works for you, and what you want (and what you do not want) in your present and future. 
I encourage you to take your family and friends’ advice for your relationships (from an objective standpoint, they may be able to see not-so-great qualities in that person that you may not notice, especially if you are already infatuated with the person), but keep in mind that only you will be in the relationship, not them, and you are the one who will ultimately have to deal with your partner. So make an educated decision, and be happy with your finely-tuned definition of “right.” ☺
Are "Open Relationships" a Good Idea?
"Open relationships" seem to be the "in thing" among young people today, yet I cannot understand why anyone would put themselves through this sort of relational headache. An "open relationship" (e.g. two people who are sort of "together" but choose not to be tied to each other - just yet or at all) is just another way of saying, "He/She is just not all that into you." If I chose to seriously date someone, it was after the man made it known that he was really into me and wanted to be committed to me, 100%. I have never settled for anything less, simply because I knew what I deserved - a person that respected me, my heart, my spirit, etc. etc. I also knew I didn't want to waste my time with someone that I knew wasn't the best person for me. For those who believe that an "open relationship" is easier for them since it is supposedly "easier" than a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - I very much encourage you to comment on this post and explain your reasoning - because in my opinion, open relationships are just an excuse for saying - "You're alright, but I can do better" or "You're alright, but I'm not really into being with you completely right now." Either statement is a slap in anybody's face - so why bother stand there to receive it? Move on to somebody who is more worthy of your time!
My thoughts on a better type of relationship: I have an "old-school" mentality, despite only being 26 years old. I truly do believe that a man should take it upon himself to truly "court" a woman - to treat her like a princess with his heart, his words, and his actions. He should take it upon himself to creatively demonstrate his interest in her, by getting to know her, spending time with her, while also respecting her and her interests as well. He should also make it known that he is interested in her, but should not force his interest upon her if she declines the pursuit. Also - at some point during the courtship, both people should talk about the idea of considering moving the relationship to a a more committed stance - "boyfriend"/"girlfriend". In my opinion, courtship is ideal because it allows both people to get to know each other without making such a huge commitment that feelings easily get very hurt should either party choose to go separate ways.
In my relationship, I very much felt courted and treasured by my boyfriend, who took it upon himself to court me and make me feel like a princess before we decided to be in a relationship. I encourage others to reconsider their beliefs about relationships and purge the ideas of "hooking up" or "open relationships," and instead trade up for something more "old-school" - courtship - which is way more respecting of both parties involved in the relationship transaction. 
