"Open relationships" seem to be the "in thing" among young people today, yet I cannot understand why anyone would put themselves through this sort of relational headache. An "open relationship" (e.g. two people who are sort of "together" but choose not to be tied to each other - just yet or at all) is just another way of saying, "He/She is just not all that into you." If I chose to seriously date someone, it was after the man made it known that he was really into me and wanted to be committed to me, 100%. I have never settled for anything less, simply because I knew what I deserved - a person that respected me, my heart, my spirit, etc. etc. I also knew I didn't want to waste my time with someone that I knew wasn't the best person for me. For those who believe that an "open relationship" is easier for them since it is supposedly "easier" than a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - I very much encourage you to comment on this post and explain your reasoning - because in my opinion, open relationships are just an excuse for saying - "You're alright, but I can do better" or "You're alright, but I'm not really into being with you completely right now." Either statement is a slap in anybody's face - so why bother stand there to receive it? Move on to somebody who is more worthy of your time!
My thoughts on a better type of relationship: I have an "old-school" mentality, despite only being 26 years old. I truly do believe that a man should take it upon himself to truly "court" a woman - to treat her like a princess with his heart, his words, and his actions. He should take it upon himself to creatively demonstrate his interest in her, by getting to know her, spending time with her, while also respecting her and her interests as well. He should also make it known that he is interested in her, but should not force his interest upon her if she declines the pursuit. Also - at some point during the courtship, both people should talk about the idea of considering moving the relationship to a a more committed stance - "boyfriend"/"girlfriend". In my opinion, courtship is ideal because it allows both people to get to know each other without making such a huge commitment that feelings easily get very hurt should either party choose to go separate ways.
In my relationship, I very much felt courted and treasured by my boyfriend, who took it upon himself to court me and make me feel like a princess before we decided to be in a relationship. I encourage others to reconsider their beliefs about relationships and purge the ideas of "hooking up" or "open relationships," and instead trade up for something more "old-school" - courtship - which is way more respecting of both parties involved in the relationship transaction. 
Are "Open Relationships" a Good Idea?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Labels:
courtship,
open relationship,
relationships
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5 comments:
I think a very fine line exist between having an open relationship and being courted. Cause when you think about it, very similar activities exist with both. So how does a female figure out when a guy is just leading her on versus establishing the foundation of a relationship?
P.S. Great Blog!!!!!
I don't think it is fair to say what's a "better type of relationship". What has happened to work out well for you may not work for all situations. You may seek certain qualities in a relationship, and of course, nobody likes to be in a situation where they are dating someone who is "just not that into them", but not all situations are black-and-white. It seems like you are all about being a strong, independent woman - so then why is it necessary that the guy "courts" the woman and treats her like a "princess".
Hey Fresh! Thanks for your feedback on my blog and on this post! I totally agree with you - there is a very fine line between an open relationship and being courted! I think one of the best ways to figure out which situation is going on is to watch the guy's actions and listen carefully to his words. Sometimes it is easy to believe we are being courted because we want to be courted, despite clues that point to the contrary (the guy just wants an open relationship/hook up/etc.). If a guy is serious about courting a woman, he'll make it known via his words, and his actions should hopefully make it clear.
That is why I value honest and open communication so much in my relationships - especially before I choose to seriously date someone. A man that can verbalize his intentions and actually be truthful about his intentions can be quite a wonderful find! :)
Anon - thanks for your comment. I am basically trying to communicate my personal opinion on relationships and what has worked best for me as well as others that I know, but I'm sure that there are other sorts of relationship situations that have worked well for others as well. I also agree with you that not all relational situations are black and white. My biggest issue arises with the increasingly popular concept of open relationships and all of the difficulties that arise within them.
I can understand the odd juxtaposition of my blog's message of "independent strong woman" with the idea of my appreciation for feeling treated like a princess and being courted by my boyfriend - that's why I consider my relationships beliefs quite "old school" and somewhat out of place with today's celebrated ideas of independent womanhood. However, I feel most comfortable with these beliefs, and I've somehow found a way to have them coexist with my love for being an independent woman.
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