Tips for a Date or a Single Night on Valentine's Day

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Valentine's Day appears to be one of the most beloved and most hated holidays of all time. There is something about it that just emanates "if you do not have someone special in your life, you kinda suck!" kind of attitude. Or if you are in a relationship or going out on a date for the first time, there is pressure on each partner (well, perhaps more pressure on the guy) to "bring it" on Valentine's Day - the candy, the cards, the gifts, the flowers, the jewelry, etc. etc). Interestingly enough, a guest on one of the Morning News shows this past week basically stated that she doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day - that it is really a holiday meant for kids who exchange cute Valentine's Day cards in school. Her comment made me ponder: What is Valentine's Day supposed to mean to me? To you? Are we supposed to subscribe to this cookie-cutter standard of the ideal Valentine's Day? And what is that ideal anyway? Does it even exist? Must we be slaves to even the capitalistic tendencies of this holiday to splurge on your honey and buy them oversized red velvet teddy bears? My answer: Of course not!

For the Single Person:

DO YOU! Do what makes you happy on this day. I sound cliche, but I am speaking from experience. I think Valentine's Day is one of the hardest holidays for people who have experienced love in a relationship and are no longer dating that person, and the holiday brings back memories of some of the more pleasant days together (been there!). I remember newly coming out of a relationship and then a few months later having to walk by a CVS everyday with its nauseating display of candies and too-big-for-comfort teddy bears smushed up against the window, screaming to consumers, "BUY ME! BUY ME!" or perhaps, screaming to others, "Doesn't it suck to be single?" Instead of trying really hard to look the other way, I decided to re-think the holiday at that moment and embrace it, determined to have a blast on Valentine's Day - and make it a day about loving me and the things I'm interested in. Just because I didn't have a man by my side on that very chilly day did not mean that I had to sit there and hope and pray that God sends me a man by next Valentine's Day! I was able to do whatever I wanted, and celebrate the things that made me happy. Talking to other positive-thinking single people also helped - you really should stay away from those who are depressed about being single and that's all they can talk about on Valentine's Day. No thanks - don't need the downer.

Another great idea is to celebrate Valentine's Day with friends - like doing a cute sleepover, or going out to a party/club, etc. Pros of going out: in a club setting, you'll be bumping up next to a whole bunch of singles who want some love too. Cons of going out: you may run into too many couples making out and holding hands, thereby making you feel worse for being on your own. However, if you can withstand all that, go out and get your groove on. I would personally opt for a fun sleepover, consisting of great videos and perhaps a caseload of Body Shop face masks and pedicure kits to soothe the nerves.


For the Person in a Relationship:

BE CREATIVE! You really should think outside the box and figure out ways to celebrate this day. Also, you should do stuff that symbolizes the UNIQUENESS of your relationship! Consider googling up your favorite restaurant, salsa dance studio, movie theater, bed and breakfast, lounge, etc. and make plans. Think about making your gift, rather than making a simple purchase (and also save a bit of dinero!). However, be careful with this - know your partner well! I speak from personal experience - I once wrote several poems in a cute mini-book for an ex-boyfriend (we were together at the time, of course). He liked it, but apparently wasn't all that into poetry so I kind of felt like it was a semi-wasted effort on my part. You want the gift to mean something to both of you - and hopefully in equal measure. I therefore urge you to know what your partner is into before you plop a hand-made vase with painted-on hearts on their doorstep. (I'm still brainstorming about my gift for my boyfriend - I would ask you for suggestions but I have to follow my own advice and make it unique and personal! :o)).

For the Person Going on a Date With Someone New or Relatively New:

HAVE FUN with each other and enjoy the night without feeling too much pressure because it is...dun dun dun - V-Day! Don't absorb pressure to make everything perfect, or BE perfect during the date. You're not tied to each other, so don't treat it like you are - just feel free to be yourself and enjoy the idea of Valentine's Day without getting consumed by all of the lovely-dovey "I love you's" floating around you at other tables at your chosen restaurant. (Being yourself also helps the relationship grow to another level or perhaps stall it at the entrance gate, which is also a good thing if you're not right for each other). Also, I highly advise you to keep your gifts to each other simple, if you choose to give the other person a gift. Don't go all crazy and buy a 10-karat diamond necklace from Zales (slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean). I would personally stick to chocolates or a nice and simple "Happy Valentine's Day!" card if I were in your shoes - anything else could potentially cause awkwardness, especially if the "I love you's" haven't surfaced yet.

Clothing/Makeup: I also urge you to wear something you feel comfortable and sexy in at the same time - the last thing you want to do is add discomfort to your Valentine's date by wondering why you decided to wear an uncomfortable skirt, or pair of pants or shoes (constant outfit fixing or twitching in your chair isn't too cute). Also, overdoing your look may potentially come across as trying way too hard to impress (e.g. wearing way too much makeup - this isn't a modeling photoshoot). (Quick side story - I once put on a lot of green eye shadow for one day to try and impress a guy when I was younger (as if green eyeshadow was the male kryptonite). His response? He just told my girlfriend that I wore too much eyeshadow and thought it was weird. I didn't repeat that mistake.).

I do like this V-Day makeup tutorial. It requires a bit of effort, but the look isn't too overdone...


The main point: Have fun on Valentine's Day, wear red or pink, smile, and do what makes you comfortable. Call up a friend and/or family member and tell them that you love and care about them. And if need be, skip all the festivities of the day, and pop in "Bridget Jones's Diary" and have a few laughs. :) (I LOVE that movie!)

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