Hello Brains and Beauty readers!
I apologize for not posting any new posts recently! I've actually decided to start moving a lot of my blog posts onto a new website that my boyfriend, Kwan, and I, have created: Ultimate Beauty - a website (a ning) dedicated to building beauty on the inside and out for all women! Definitely check it out! Just click on the "Kris's Blog" tab to see my latest postings!
How do men really feel about women and their makeup?
In Essence Magazine's September 2009 issue, I noticed an article entitled "Who Wears the Pants?", where a man named Keith McQuillon, 42, tells an Essence reporter that independent women today have forgotten how to let men be men. Here is a snippet from the article:
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"In 1996 my ex-wife and I split partly because she always wanted to be the one in control. Since then, I've been in only one serious relationship. Too many of the Black women I've dated wanted to call all the shots. Whenever I've tried to lead, I've repeatedly heard, "I'm not going to let a man run my life." Good, because I don't want to, but I do want someone who respects my opinion and wants to meet me halfway. I'd marry a woman who says, "Baby, why don't we do things your way this time?" I've noticed that women of other races seem more willing to let a man be a man. But I'd prefer to find a Black partner to build my future with. And when I find her, I'll treat her with the same love, care and respect that my dad showed my mom."
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In my opinion, that quote in and of itself represents a growing divide between men and women today along the line of one particular question: Who really wears the pants in a relationship these days? And what does it really mean to say, "let a man be a man?"
First of all, I find it disconcerting that Keith lumps black women into a category and women of "other races" into another category. While there may be slight cultural (not racial) distinctions among independent women of different ethnic backgrounds, the overriding culture of "independent womanhood", in my opinion, does not really fall along racial lines. Women of all races and cultures today are finding themselves within their own independence and defining their financial and career independence without a boyfriend or husband dictating their steps. Many women, regardless of race, will hesitate and perhaps get very defensive if a man tried to harp upon their independence. In my opinion, black women are not the only women who would tell Keith, "I'm not going to let a man run my life." Even the intense popularity of "Sex and the City" (a show without black female protagonists) illuminates the increasing trend of independent/don't mess with my goals/you can't run my life-type women around the world today.
That said, I will address the main question posed in this article: Have independent women forgotten how to let a man be a man? I have not done any statistical studies on this question, but I can speak for myself when I ask the follow-up question: "What does it mean to 'let a man be a man?'" I find that as a society today, we collectively compare ourselves to generations of the past - the "the way way it used to be, sigh!" mentality that has often led people to make blanket and uninformed statements about gender divide issues today. In the beginning of the article, Keith explains that when he was growing up, his dad was the head of the household, and his mom followed his dad's lead. He states:
As you probably already know, your credit score plays a very important role in your life, and it is crucial that you know how to maintain a great credit score. In Essence Magazine's September 2009 issue, I found an excellent article entitled "Take Charge of Your Credit!" by A.M. Rusin. It encourages readers to protect their credit scores by 1) opening all mail, 2) making timely payments, 3) staying out of the credit danger zone, 4) reassessing credit, and 5) getting a fixed rate on credit cards. Among all these tips, it is important to highlight #3: staying out of the credit danger zone. Be aware that "issuers are looking for red flags indicating a consumer is in trouble ... Late payments, high balances and cash advances could be a sign of cash flow problems and prompt a change in terms. If issuers sense you're at risk, they may assess a monthly fee, lower your credit line, or raise your APR," says Gail Cunningham, spokesperson for the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org) (cited in "Take Charge of Your Credit"). 
We may live in a "spending is cool" culture, but I very much encourage you to think twice before purchasing something on your credit card if you don't believe you can really afford it. My personal motto with credit is: if I can't realistically pay off my credit card this month if I purchase this item, I can't afford the item right now. The motto may sound a bit restrictive, but it definitely helps to maintain a good credit line and reduces the opportunity to rack up a exorbitant amount of credit card debt. In Essence's "Take Charge of Your Credit" article, it provides 4 ways to protect your credit score:
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Payment History. "Grace periods are shrinking," states Gail Cunningham, spokesperson for the National Foundation for Credit Counseling. "Open your statements the day they arrive."
Amounts Owned. "Don't carry a balance that is more than 30 percent of your available credit because having higher ratios can begin to negatively affect your score," says Bruce Cornelius, chief marketing officer for CreditReport.com.
Length of Credit. "Don't get angry and close an account," warns Cunningham. Your credit history is calculated as an average, so a one-month-old account averaged against a ten-year account will shorten the history and lower the score.
Types of Credit Used. Be wary of 0 percent interest or no-money-down offers. If you do use credit for a large purchase, know that installment terms have a more positive impact because the terms are fixed.
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For those of you that are trying to increase your credit score, don't fret. I very much encourage you to check out the Suze Orman Show or go to the library or bookstore and check out her books. She offers sound and excellent financial advice, and is very clear and concise with her commentary. I would also suggest ordering a copy of your credit report (you can get it for free at annualcreditreport.com once a year).
I have never really used to pay close attention to seasonal makeup trends - I am a dark red lipstick/black eyeliner girl all the way. However, I have become increasingly interested in changing up my look, and I know that many of you may be interested in some change as well! After doing a bit of investigation of Fall 2009's makeup trends, I present the trend verdict:
According to Benjamin Twist in his article, "Best Fall 2009 Makeup Colors", "the latest fashion trends for fall 2009 makeup colors are all about high contrast - bright, deep, dramatic colors against a very light, natural background."
Eyes: "[D]ark and bold. Purple is one of the best fall makeup colors overall, and the eyes are no exception. Put on a lush coat of deep purple eye shadow for a truly trendy look this fall." Twist also suggests deep earthy tones, like forest greens, browns, in order to bring out your natural eye color for a more neutral look. "Gold and bronze, and similar metallic colors, are some other hot new makeup colors for fall 2009." I was thrilled to find out that the smoky eye look is still in style: "Smoky eyes, with dark mascara and black eye shadow, are hotter than ever, and if anything the look is moving toward even bolder and darker smoky eye makeup for the fall 2009 fashion season."
Lips: I am in love with dark red lipstick, so I'm happy that it is a fashionable 2009 fall trend. Twist states that "the hottest trends in makeup colors for fall 2009 are bright reds and ripe, juicy berry colors." I'm not a personal fan of purple (I don't think I could pull it off), but Twist notes that "purple is one of the best fall makeup colors for lips as well as eyes, so it may be worth getting a few shades of deep purple lipstick."
Interestingly enough, I may have to make some adjustments with this particular fall 2009 trend: Not using dark colors on both the eyes and the lips. Twist notes that this is a very clear trend in makeup trend this season, so he advises that you give give only one part of your face a bold look, and opt for a more neutral look on the rest of your palette.
Nails: Twist notes that "for fingernails, purple and metallic colors like gold and bronze are once again the hot makeup colors for fall 2009. Set off the colors in the rest of your look with a bold and dramatic dark nail polish." I personally will opt for pinks and bronzes - I don't really think purple and gold nails work for a lot of office environments.
Foundation and Eyebrows: Twist advises that "the best look for the fall 2009 beauty trends is to keep it neutral and minimalist. A light touch of foundation is plenty, and natural, bold eyebrows are in fashion so be careful not to over-sculpt your brows or make them too narrow." I already use really light (as opposed to a heavy) powder foundation, so I'm all set on that trend. Regarding my eyebrows - I like my eyebrows sculpted, and am trying to stop over-sculpting them. I may have to tear myself away from the tweezers a bit more, but I am definitely making a conscious effort to allow my eyebrows to grow in a bit more and get a fuller look overall.
In addition to Twist's advice, I would definitely recommend a voluminous mascara - a bit hit for fall 2009 makeup looks. Full, delicious lashes are always in, so check out your nearest beauty counter and pick up a new tube! My favorite mascara? Christian Dior's DiorShow, which can be found at your nearby Sephora store, or online at Sephora.com. 
Michelle Obama is the First Lady, so it is understandable that people feel free to critique her fashion, her makeup, and her hair on a daily basis. However, her hair has increasingly become a focus of discussion in the mainstream media. As I was randomly surfing the web tonight, I did not take long for me to see Michelle's face on the main page of Yahoo.com, attached to an article entitled, "Why Michelle Obama's Hair Matters" (written by Jenee Desmond-Harris) - I very much encourage you to read it when you get a moment.
I wouldn't be shocked if I saw this article on Blacksnob.com (I adore that website) or Essence.com, but my mouth dropped when I saw that it was the headline story on Yahoo.com. Why? Well, black hair has never really been a mainstream topic at all. People may refer to it on occasion when talking about Oprah, Tyra Banks, or Beyonce, but for the most part, the discussion has been limited, and for the most part, myopic in scope. Black hair has primarily remained a topic within black media, dissected and deconstructed in every possible way. While I am not upset that mainstream media has not taken it upon themselves to deeply understand the cultural and historical underpinnings of the controversy surrounding different "black hairstyles," I have always secretly desired some sort of basic mass media education on black hair, simply because of the ignorant statements made about black women in the media regarding their hair, in addition to the fact that I have personally been approached by people who were very inquisitive about black hair (how it is maintained, done, etc) and didn't understand it at all.
So I guess Michelle Obama has indirectly become the catalyst for a discussion about black hair in the mainstream media. Chris Rock's new documentary coming out called "Good Hair" (seeYoutube video below) will also contribute more dialogue to the discussion. My only remaining question is - is mainstream media ready to understand black hair? My answer: We shall see!
Kwan (my boyfriend) and I just came back from the mall and of course, ran into the "back to school" mall traffic! As we walked past different stores, I couldn't help but notice the various fashions and the amount of young men and women exploring the racks in most of the stores, looking for the perfect outfits. I would like to encourage any student who is about to go back to school (grade school, college, grad school, etc.) to not get too caught up in trying to fit into any particular fashion standard. For example, don't feel pressured into wearing skinny jeans, baggy jeans, showing more skin, wearing crazy high gladiator heels, or wearing clothing that is way too tight to breathe in! Instead, find clothes that you like, regardless of whether or not they are up to par with the standards set by Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, or Vogue Magazine. I just graduated from grad school, but this time of year always reminds me of the excitement of going to the store and picking out the newest clothes for school that I thought fit my body well, and clothes that accentuated my personality and style. (I also had a funny tendency to buy a shirt in more than one color if I really liked it :)). I personally preferred stores like Macy's, Sears, and Kohl's, and occasionally checked out JC Penny's - all of the stores had amazing back to school deals, and I always did my research and studied each catalogue ahead of time to nail down which clothes that I liked the best.
If by chance you are not able to splurge on clothes and new fashions this fall season, do not fret! Find different ways to combine your outfits and create a new look that you would wear to school. Have fun combining different scarves, shirts and blouses with your skirts, pants and shorts, change up which shoes you choose to wear with different outfits, and change up your color combinations for a new style. I would also suggest even changing up your makeup or hairdo style in order to give your overall appearance a fresh new look. I also recommend that you do not compare yourself to others and their choice of style - As I always say, be you, and create your own style. You never know, you may set a new trend, and people will want to copy your style!
I just came across some random youtube videos of women combing really long hair, and as much as I found the hair itself lovely, I was slightly disturbed by the amount of male commenters underneath the videos stating that the hair was "so sexy," etc. I understand that these people could simply have a long hair fetish, but I then wondered if men naturally prefer women with longer hair.
Have you ever wondered about the relationship between stress and beauty? You may actually be concerned about how the stress in your life may be affecting your health, and perhaps, even your youthful glow. Additionally, the media pours beauty products down our throats on a daily basis, convincing us that if we do happen to show signs of stress or age, there is always a product that can fix it.
Stress can have serious effects on your beauty. According to Shakila Akhter in her article, "Stress Leads to Ugliness," (2002) "Emotional stresses disturb the body homeostasis that results in hormonal malfunctioning, impairment of body immunological functions and slows down the skin rejuvenation." Akhter provides further explanation of the skin and its renewal process:
"Skin constantly renews itself. At young age the cell renewal process completes within 28 days but as we grow older the speed of this process slows down. In addition to age that process is also effected due to our mental state of mind. The period of mental disturbance slows down the process of cell renewal, destroys collagen fibers in the skin, breaks down its elastin and increases the production of sebum oils in oily skin people and dehydrate dry skin."
Your mental health is therefore the key to beautiful skin, so take care of your mind as well as your skin on a daily basis in order to maintain a youthful glow and complexion. This sounds easier than done, right? I totally agree with you. I have always been aware of the effects that stress has on my hair and skin, but some of the information and advice regarding how to relieve stress was incompatible with my personality and/or lifestyle. Akhter provides some very basic and helpful tips that can help with relieving stress and minimizing stressful effects on your beauty (This list is especially useful if you notice side effects of stress like physical changes (e.g. weight gain, weight loss, hair breakage, skin changes, etc.):
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-First of all just leave the stressful situation and drink a glass of water.
-Don’t make any decision during those phases.
-Don’t make any negative judgement about yourself.
-Think about positive traits of your personality. Nobody is ideal and perfect in this world. Every one has some weakness, if you too have some than there is nothing wrong with you.
-Don’t try to seek the help of cigarette, alcohol or any drug.
-Get involved yourself in some easy to do work like cleaning your wardrobe, arranging your bookshelf, do painting. But whatever work you start you have to complete it.
-Call your friend, talk to him/her about your problem. If you don’t want to do so than just take a paper and write down about every thing that is coming to your mind without censoring anything.
-Do aerobics or yoga or just go out for a long walk.
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I have a terribly bad habit of drinking coffee when I am really stressed out, and I am currently in the process of changing that bad habit and am choosing to drink more water overall. I stay away from drugs, alcohol and cigarettes, I tend to talk out issues with close friends, and I am a big fan of exercising (particularly running, pilates, yoga and dance). When I am really stressed, I like to take epsom salt baths as soon as possible, which relax my body and mind.
Let me preface this post by stating that I have absolutely nothing against the Pantene brand in and of itself. I love their advertisements, and the brand definitely puts itself out there for the purpose of raising awareness for different causes, which I think is an excellent move. On a personal level however, I don't care for Pantene, based on my own experience with their products. Furthermore, I have a personal tick against any company that promotes beauty products for women of color and the products do not deliver what they promise. If you type in "pantene" and "women of color," you will indubitably find complaint after complaint in numerous forums across the internet, created over the course of several years (in fact, when I type in "pantene" and "women of color," the first hit that appears in google is an actual site entitled "Warning About Pantene Shampoo and Conditioner for Women of Color"). Interestingly enough, my experience with the Pantene Relaxed and Natural Shampoo as well as Pantene Beautiful Lengths shampoo was not at all far from the experiences of other women - the shampoo pretty much weakened my hair and directly contributed to some really annoying breakage. The second main ingredient in the Pantene Relaxed and Natural Shampoo happens to be petroleum, which just coats the hair with grease, rather than adding any strength to the hair strand. The main ingredients in the Pantene Beautiful Lengths Shampoo seem to be quite normal for any shampoo, but there is something else in their list of ingredients that had the exact same breakage impact on my hair. Yet, when I switch to my other hair products that I always tend to use (usually dominican products), my hair goes back to normal and the breakage stops. Go figure. A vast majority of other women in the forums online seem to have the same experience.
Hello Brains and Beauty readers!
I hope all is well with you this summer! All is well on my end, but of course, exam preparation has once again gobbled up my free time! I am in the process of studying for the bar, so I will resume posting topics as of the beginning of August. I am definitely looking forward to bringing this blog to the next level, with more posts, more topics, and videos. I am also looking forward to updating the template too in the next few months, so don't be surprised if you see a hot new look at some point in the near future! The next blog topic will most likely be about the truth regarding hair products - I have been doing research for fun on the chemicals found in certain shampoos and conditioners (for example, avoid Pantene's shampoos at all costs if you relax your hair), and am looking forward to sharing my research with you once my exams are over.
I just want to thank you again for reading my blog, and if you have any topics that you would like for me to cover, always feel free to share (you can leave a comment below this post and I will definitely log it as a future post idea!). Also, feel free to check out my videos on youtube and leave comments, rate the videos, share, or whatever you would like to do! :)
-Kris :)
You probably see these quick tips in magazines ALL the time, but the list that I found in July 2009's Redbook magazine, "Looking for love: 5 ways to get started," (p.94), is actually quite good and to the point. I have to admit, it is incredibly easy to say to oneself: "No one is out there for me!," but I beg to differ: every woman can find a good match out in the world, and every man can do the same as well. I will speak from personal experience when I tell you that when my boyfriend and I met, I wasn't necessarily looking for love at all, but we became very good friends, and after a while, it just made sense to seal the deal and make our relationship permanent, because we loved each other too much to not be with each other. The love story that you tell (or will tell) may be the same, or may be different. Either way, don't lose hope on finding that special one. The five tips listed below provide some great insight and some hope:
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Redbook Magazine, "Looking for Love: 5 ways to get started," (p.94)
-by: Nicole Yorio
1. Get a Life. Maintain an exciting schedule full of friends, hobbies, and activities you love. Being happy in your life will draw others to you.
2. Get out there. Take advantage of online dating services, blind dates set up by friends, or classes where you might connect with someone with similar interests. Keep an open mind - you never know whom you'll discover.
3. Don't be shy. Make eye contact, smile, and start conversations. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is interested in the world.
4. Move on. If you feel sure that a guy doesn't have what you're seeking, don't keep seeing him. Each additional date with the wrong person is a missed opportunity to meet the right one.
5. Enjoy the journey. You're meeting new people, trying new activities, and exploring the fun, sexy side of yourself. The guy for you will come when the time is right.
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My favorite tip: #5! It is a perfect combo of all of the aforementioned tips, and I love the statement: "The guy for you will come when the time is right." Too many of us want the guy to come when we want him to come. Let life work itself out - you may be pleasantly surprised by what you trip upon when you are in the process of falling in love with yourself and life, first.
For those of you who are interested, here is the relatively brief video of Chris Brown and Rihanna in court today:
I just finished reading the now well-circulated and discussed Salon.com article entitled, "The Michelle Obama hair challenge," written by Erin Aubry Kaplan. In this article, Erin delves deep into a discussion about Michelle Obama's hairstyle and what it means for her image, and the potential societal ramifications of having a black First Lady in the White House. Overall, I agree with most of her points, but there is something quite unsettling about the notion that Michelle Obama's hair "softens" her race:
"...I wonder whether such a young, high-profile black woman who gets her hair straightened or relaxed as a matter of course will occasionally let it be something different: unstraightened, less straightened, or anything that doesn't bounce, lie flat or swing like a pageboy. In other words, a do that suggests her ethnicity rather than softens it."
Further down in the article, she states:
"Hair texture and skin color work in tandem: The darker you are, the harder you have to offset it with "good" hair in order to be considered attractive or acceptable. If Michelle weren't dark-skinned with classic black features, she might not be so wedded to super-straight locks."
I find both of these statements somewhat disturbing, and I am not quite sure if I am wedded to the same opinion. As a black woman, I have worn my hair in various styles, from braids, to cornrows, and the "relaxed"/"straightened" look, and I have loved how each and every hairstyle accentuated my beauty. Unfortunately, "accepted" femininity in American society has always centered on styles that were of the more "flowing" or "as-close-to-straight-as-humanly possible" nature, and for centuries, black women have found themselves in different degrees of negotiation stages with their hair and what it means to be beautiful: "If I go straight, that means xyz. If I stay natural, that means xyz. If I do braids with straightened hair underneath, that means xyz." All of these different, and individualized decisions, lead black women to a place where they feel comfortable with their beauty, and how their hair fits within the current paradigm of "accepted femininity." As much as a black woman's hair may have an impact on how others perceive her, I am disturbed by the proposition that straightened hair automatically softens her image, or offsets darker skin tones. Many natural hairdos do not automatically lend themselves to political undertones, and I think it is erroneous to conclude that a more natural hairdo cannot both enhance a black woman's beauty and have a "softened" effect at the same time. I know plenty of black women who have rocked absolutely stunning natural hairdos that have also brought out their particularly stunning features, and these styles were not necessarily of the "Pantene Relaxed and Natural" commercial variety.
Michelle can rock various non-straight hairstyles that would look absolutely wonderful, and not be considered threatening or societally-misplaced in the beauty spectrum. These do's could both enhance her ethnicity as well as enhance her beauty, as well as complement her dark and lovely skin tone. If she chooses to wear her hair straight, perhaps it is not out of pressure to fit a standard or not be a threat to those scared of "nappiness." Perhaps her straightened hair is just her style right now. Will I be more than thrilled if she changes it up? Of course - she is a major fashion icon right now, and any style she does will have varying degrees of impact on women of all races and ethnicities. If she sticks with the style, so be it. Straightened hair or not, Michelle does not need hair to "soften" her racial identity - on the contrary, the softness and femininity of her beauty is already automatically intertwined with her racial identity and her skin tone, and her decision to wear her hair in any particular style is simply a transient beauty accessory.
I've received some messages in my Youtube account, and have watched some informative videos on Youtube, that inspired me to write this blog post (and do a follow-up Youtube video as well). Many people in this world are in constant pursuit of perfection, and at times, that pursuit can evolve into a pressure that can feel overwhelming. For the person who feels that pressure, it can appear as a gnawing and constant pressure to measure up to a particular standard imposed on you by yourself, others, or what he or she perceive others to be pressuring them to be or become, and hopefully avoid a sense of failure rise to some level of accepted or ideal accomplishment. Interestingly enough, so many people live their lives day by day managing this pressure, and among these people, many are drowning within the pressure to various points of psychological breakdown/distress. You may not even realize that your best friend, colleague, family member, or an acquaintance that always seems to have their act together, is drowning in the pressure and would, if provided, appreciate a vacation from it.
I am no stranger to pressures to be perfect - hence, the reason why I feel qualified to write this post, and also a partial reason for my inspiration to label this blog, "Brains and Beauty." As a woman, I completely understand the pressures to look beautiful. As a student, I have always put pressure on myself to do well academically, and acknowledged good grades with a sense of accomplishment and a "pat on the back" for a job well done. As a daughter, I've put pressure on myself to be a perfect daughter who rarely makes mistakes, and live life perfectly. As a result, I've put pressure on myself to be the perfect combination of both brains and beauty, eventually coming to the conclusion in my mid-twenties that the pressure to be perfect was literally gnawing at my ability to reasonably enjoy my life to the fullest. On many days, I had an agenda to make strides towards some goal/combination of goals, and if I did not accomplish them, I would feel as if that day was a "less than perfect" day, and I went to bed feeling incomplete. Managing this pressure for perfection increasingly became a burden, and I began to realize that although this pressure may have helped me accomplish a lot within 25 years, there was a better way to live life and accomplish everything without attempting to measure up to a self-imposed standard of perfection.
What is that better way? There are various ways to be released from the pressure for perfection - for me, I chose my faith: Christianity. In the beginning of my law school career, I attended a church with a relaxed environment that discussed life principles and advice through lessons of the Bible, and I eventually realized and accepted that I was already "perfect" in the eyes of God and did not have to live for whatever self-imposed concept of perfection that existed in my own mind. I can honestly say that my law school experience was manageable and at times quite enjoyable primarily due to my faith in God.
Now, I understand that many of you who are reading this may not be Christian, believe in God, or experienced a relationship with God in a similar way, but I can tell you that if you need a release from a daily pressure for perfection, that release is truly possible. If you asked for my honest opinion about the ideal way, I would say that embracing a relationship with God and attending a church that is right for you is a great start (of course, I am speaking from personal experience). (Note: I am not asking you to embrace an idea of going through the motions of being a Christian - e.g., going to church, praying "traditional" prayers, etc. I specifically mean actually embracing a relationship with God and understanding how He really feels about you. Check out the ministries of Joel Osteen or Joyce Meyer online for some great examples).
Besides a faith-based approach, I would encourage you to write down what you feel pressure about on a day to day basis, and ask yourself why you feel that pressure, if that pressure is necessary in order to be successful, and begin to accept yourself and your accomplishments on a daily basis outside of that pressure. I also encourage you to consider therapy if needed, or check out self-help books (if you feel comfortable perusing them in the store, or if not, online), and dig your heels into ways you can enjoy your life a little bit better, every day.
There is no one cure-all solution to relieving yourself from pressure for perfection. Depending on your particular pressure(s), personality, lifestyle, etc., what works for you may be a tailored solution that may or may not have worked for me. But I will say this: one of the best things you can possibly do for your every day life is to unlearn this particular kind of pressure, and learn how to accomplish your daily goals and dreams, and be satisfied and comfortable with your work at the end of the day. This is not an overnight process - but if you commit to a particular solution on a day to day basis (and adjust it as needed), you'll eventually realize the benefits of feeling increasingly "pressure-less" and more personally satisfied, accomplished, complete, relaxed, and joyful overall in all areas of your life.
There is something to be said about the media's intense placement of focus and attention on the stars of "Jon and Kate, Plus 8" - I don't really "get it." I understand that the show is a highly-rated show on the television network, TLC, and that the content of the show is quite amusing and very entertaining, but as the media loves to do, it is currently in the process of sinking its quite pointy teeth deeper and deeper into what appeared to be a seemingly decent family set-up and is enjoying the process of destroying the image of this family in the name of money. Now, I don't really care for the show all that much (every now and again I am very amused by the children and their antics though!), but I will say that I do care about the fact that this is an actual family that the media is picking apart - literally - by the seams. I think it is incredibly easy to confuse real life for fantasy, and are perhaps equating the Jon and Kate Plus 8 show with shows like the Brady Bunch, feeling incredibly free to criticize and evaluate them simply because they are on television to entertain and amuse us on a weekly basis. However, it is absolutely crucial that we do not fall into the trap of assuming that these are not real people with real emotions, and we must remember that they actually do hear the comments that are being spewed their way, minute by minute. Even more importantly, Jon and Kate's kids are probably hearing the media's comments as well (if not directly through the media, then their friends may be telling them, etc.). I know that the media is always sitting on top of an anxious piggy bank, desperate to fill its little piggy slot with revenue derived from the next big media blitz, but I think it should seriously stop trying to tear real people apart.
Reality television in and of itself, to be honest, is a free-for-all with the media, which is why I would encourage anyone who wants to be on a reality show to think twice before considering showing up in line for a chance to have their 5 seconds of fame on television. Reason? It is very rare that the media will be kind to just about anyone on television these days - all you have to do is watch shows like TMZ on television to realize that just about everyone on television is torn apart for everything they say, what they do, what they wear, an out of place wrinkle, or even a sleepy expression that can be read and interpreted in about five million ways. In my opinion, everyday life brings enough stuff to do and think about without tacking on the chaos that is attached to the seemingly hypocritical and harsh world of stardom these days. And yet, this call for "you can be the next big thing!" tears at the hearts of so many people every single day, who are simply yearning for a chance to be seen, to be noticed, to be popular - to simply be brought to a newer level of importance. I really do hope that more people will begin to reevaluate such a personal need, understand the psychological roots of their desire for fame, and realize that the world of reality television, for many of its stars, is equivalent to a beautifully-wrapped box with a gigantic piece of coal sitting inside of it.
One of the principles that I abide by everyday is the fact that I have the right to choose who I am and I do not have to subscribe to any particular pattern of behavior, attitude or thought, in order to happily live my life. There are plenty of pressures to conform behavior to those that we choose to (or want to) be friends with, date, etc., but I do not understand the allure in changing who I am for someone else. Now, I am not saying that I haven't personally been influenced by those that I have let into my life - no human being can live so stubbornly as to not be influenced in any way by those around them. Looking back on my old dating relationships, for example, I realize that I had altered some of my perspectives and beliefs in order to conform to my partner's thought life. My decision to do well in school and eventually go to a top university and eventually graduate from law school was largely based on my family's interest in placing academic success as a top priority, as well as friends who were also interested in performing well in school and in life overall. However, I will definitely say that I am very picky about who I let influence my life and my perception of self - I don't like to have intimate friendships with "downers" - people who constantly live in a negative people who do anything to bring another person down - and I don't really care to hang out with people who are constantly criticizing/hating on/prejudiced against other people. As much as I value my friendships, my friends know that I don't really care to conform to any particular societal group or cookie-cutter stereotype, and they know that I stand by my beliefs, while duly respecting their perspectives as well.
The idea of "fitting in" may feel like a never-ending social pressure for many people, but I personally believe in "fitting into myself," continually growing into my own individuality, while allowing myself to have fun, be encouraged and lifted up through enjoying the company of others.
I think there is a weird misconception that a woman who is smart has to be packaged in one particular flavor of a look, easily categorized as a smarty-pants and nothing else. Stereotypically, she is the woman that you see wearing glasses, hair pinned back in a ponytail, and clothing that strays far from any element of sexiness or appeal. She wears minimal makeup, and if she happens to be wearing heels, it is due to the fact that she is going to work, going to an interview, or going to some event where she is about to illustrate her brilliance.
Right...
It is amazing how a woman's appearance, to many people, dictates her personality, who she is as a person, and whether or not she has an I.Q. level higher than a peanut. I have heard both women and men comment on passersby, making comments about certain women that have led me to conclude that they believe that a woman is how she dresses. I have to stress the fact that this is not the case. In fact, you may very well reach erroneous conclusions about either men or women who choose to dress in particular fashions that do not stereotypically embody "intelligent fashion." I have met many men who choose to dress in fashions that resemble the likes of Kid Rock, 50 Cent, Eminem and Ja-Rule, and yet, are able to beat whatever "rough and tough" stereotype that some attach to them by quoting Shakespeare and displaying academic credentials that would impress even the likes of President Obama.
But let's not stray far from the point: it is important not to jump to the conclusion that just because you see a woman in a short skirt and heels, or a woman who is busty and has hips and likes to show off her figure, she cannot be book smart. On the contrary, I have known many women who have chosen to dress in fashions that simply reflect her taste in fashion, and are not burdened by any attempt to dress "stereotypically intelligent" - and can hold down an intellectual conversation while wearing an outfit some others may consider "too sexy" or "too appealing." Today, I ask you: Why can't a woman be both sexy and smart? Is there some rule that states, "If you are a woman, and you want to be perceived as smart, make sure no one can tell you enjoy clothes that flatter your womanly curves and like wearing heels"? You must be kidding me - I personally wear whatever I want to wear, and because I have curves, I like to wear clothes that tastefully accentuate my figure. And for all the other women out there who want to let their hair down, put on that bright pink lip gloss, and try out those cute heels that you've hesitated bringing out of your closet out of fear of how you'd be perceived, let it all go, and do what you want. People's opinion of you does not dictate your intelligence level - you have every right to dictate your own wardrobe, regardless of whether people accept it or not. In other words: BE YOURSELF. 
