Don't Let Anyone Steal Your Beauty: Commentary on Self-Esteem Part 1

Sunday, April 5, 2009

On an episode of the Tyra Show last week (the show that featured the "Psychic Twins"), a girl admitted that the reason why she chose to date a particular guy (who she now suspected was cheating on her) was due to the fact that he flattered her and made her feel beautiful. In particular, she mentioned that she struggled with accepting her dark skin for a long time and that he made her feel beautiful. I automatically noted that comment in my mind, sensing its blog-worthiness, especially for my readers out there that sometimes feel insecure about their beauty or struggle with a particular physical feature that they had been teased about, or that they feel does not measure up to a beauty standard out there in the world today. I seriously wanted to pause the show, jump through the television to the stage and tell her: "Don't let anyone steal your beauty!" I've stated this time and time again on my blog, but I really don't put any limitations on reiterating the point because society does a great enough job at forcing insecurities down women's throats on a daily basis. So why not balance it out?

Ever since I started making the videos on YouTube and blogging, I've received some direct messages from young women who told me about some intense experiences in their childhood and/or adult life and as a result struggle with their self-esteem every single day. Now, I am going to be real with you and tell you that I, along with countless women, had to work on overcoming my own insecurities - which is why I feel entitled to provide others with some real advice on how to counter whatever self-esteem issues they may deal with everyday.

Society, predominately via the media, encourages women to be aesthetically perfect, or get as close to the "ideal" as possible. As a result, many of us slave over music, magazines, newspapers, internet links and television shows that reinforce the ideal, subconsciously convincing ourselves of a standard that we must conform to or unfortunately result in eventual imperfection. Some women feed off of their own insecurities and judge others that do not conform to the "ideal", and label them as regrettably imperfect and in need of some serious (fill in the blank - e.g. dieting, makeup, plastic surgery, hair styling, etc.).

We choose to absorb this idea of a "standard" to the point of psychological self-harm, opting to damage our otherwise strong sense of selves in order to receive societal approval. The ironic side to this story is the fact that society really never completely approves of anybody. Even Barbie has to reinvent herself in order to keep up with society's incessant, evolving and never-ending concept of ideal beauty. Like Barbie, many women in Hollywood also fight for perfection, requesting some of the most expensive and risky treatments in the name of beauty, and even then find themselves quite annoyed if they are not properly airbrushed in a photo in a magazine. And yet non-celebrity women idolize celebrity women as if they are perfect - and neither group can ever reach it because the standard is an elusive one meant to keep you reaching for something that will require a lot of time and money in order to attain - if you choose to buy into the standard.

Many of you will see where I am going with this post. But what I am about to say is not anything new - in fact, you probably already believe it. The biggest motivation for society's perpetuation of a beauty ideal is to maintain the success of the billion dollar beauty industry worldwide. Everyday, we are inundated with messages from makeup companies, stores, and brand name luxury goods that tell us - you will be one step closer to your ideal self if you indulge in these products and make them a part of your identity. As a result, we choose to make many purchases in the name of identity enhancement, convincing ourselves that we can buy our self-esteem and take one step above the rest in the race entitled "I am Better than You." The intriguing aspect of this race is - it is only real to the extent that we individually choose to participate in it. And the extent to which you choose not to participate is the extent to which your identity is independent of the beauty standard.

Of course, self-esteem independent of society approval is easier said than done. When inundated with messages re: perfection, sometimes it is easier to indulge and give in rather than resist. I choose to appreciate the marketing tactics and the messages on a very superficial level, taking what I want from them and rejecting what I don't care for. To give you a real example, I tune in and tune out certain commercials. For example, when I see a mascara commercial, I'll tune in and listen and watch the commercial, knowing full well that the company is trying as hard as possible to get my attention, make me pick up my purse, and run to the beauty counter to pick up their latest lengthening mascara (and of course, the model in the commercial is wearing fake eyelashes so that doesn't exactly provide a realistic example for me anyway). But I sometimes appreciate the attempt and may look at the product in the store or look for a product review on YouTube to see what people really think about it. On the other hand, when I see commercials about a weight-loss pill or some magic dieting plan, I immediately tune out. Why? We live in a dieting-obsessed culture, and I have never been interested in being very thin. I instead prefer to just stay in shape, try to eat healthy (with the occasional junk food binge), and appreciate my body by wearing certain clothes that complement my shape. At the end of day, I am more than thrilled to be a woman, and like experimenting with fashion and makeup without being TOLD that I have to conform to a certain trend or image. In other words - I am very stubborn with the messages I choose to absorb/not absorb. And some of my dear friends tend to be just as stubborn in their own ways.

Which is why I encourage you to invest some energy in finding out what sort of messages are contributing to the growth of your self-confidence as well as the destruction of your self-esteem (leading to insecurities). In my opinion, that is step number 1 to building up your sense of self, independent of whatever society may have to say about who you are/what you are/what you should be.

This is quite a long post on this topic so I will post more about self-esteem in future blog posts, so definitely stay tuned. Insightful comments are welcome! :)