The “Right” Man for Me – and A Beautiful Goodbye to All the “Wrong” Ones

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

There is something to be said about finding the “right” person for you – it is a wonderful experience. Everything fits, you love the person, and you are looking forward to your future together. However, what determines a person “rightness”? To what degree are they inherently “right,” or to what degree are they “right” because you experienced “wrong” ones? One could easily respond – “Who cares? If you find the right person, then the other ones shouldn’t even matter.” My response? Agreed – but my question specifically focuses on this question: To what degree did the wrong ones actually shape the existence of someone being “right”? Perhaps, if you never dated the wrong ones, you would have never known what you did or did not like in a partner, and perhaps may not have met one that specifically fits your interests, personality, lifestyle, etc.

Now, I know this is not at all the most appropriate forum to discuss my dating history (I reserve that for my journal ;)), but I will say that I have a peculiar penchant for men who share my faith (I am Christian), are emotionally in tune with me, have similar career/lifestyle interests, and are gentlemen through and through. I also admire a man who knows how to court a woman – and yes, that may seem old-fashioned, but it works for me.

In addition to my man’s “rightness” overall, his courtship skills won me over. We started off as friends, at a time when I was not in the mood to date anybody. But he said something that stuck in my mind: “I like you a lot, and if you ever gave me the green light on the door, I would walk through.” Simple, and to the point. It gave me the space and time to really think about him as well as “us” as a couple. His statement pretty much meant – I was giving him the red light at the moment, and if I always chose to give him the red light, he would respect that. But if I ever gave a green light signal, he would court me and then commence a serious relationship. It is a statement that I will never forget. Ever since I gave him the green light, it has been on ever since. We cherish each other, and we love each other through and through.

Caution for those who would like to avoid repeating another bad relationship: Fine-tune your “choosing criteria.” For example, I purposely made it a point to go through my prior relationships and think about what it was that I liked/did not like about the relationships, and figure out what I did right/wrong as well as what he did right/wrong, so as to make a more educated decision when the right guy came along. Result? My “choosing criteria” thought process was one of the best things I could have ever done – I became more aware of what I wanted, but most importantly, I knew what did work/did not work for me. As a result, I saved myself a lot of headache by avoiding certain relationships and instead chose to wait it out until I knew the right person was standing in front of me. Caution: Do not automatically shut yourself off from a potentially great partner just because they remind you of your ex (their national origin, race, religion, whatever). I have noticed many people do this, but I have always thought that it was better to get to know a person before automatically putting them in the “eek, he reminds me of my ex, and that really creeps me out” category.

Random note: What is “right” for me is not necessarily right for you (and likewise, what is “wrong” for me may very well be “right” for you). “Right” is a relative term with a basic and very important level of objectivity (does the person treat you well, respect you, etc.). The term is mostly “subjective” and is determined by your own perception of what works for you, and what you want (and what you do not want) in your present and future.

I encourage you to take your family and friends’ advice for your relationships (from an objective standpoint, they may be able to see not-so-great qualities in that person that you may not notice, especially if you are already infatuated with the person), but keep in mind that only you will be in the relationship, not them, and you are the one who will ultimately have to deal with your partner. So make an educated decision, and be happy with your finely-tuned definition of “right.” ☺