Maintain Your Love For Self and Independence in a Relationship

Sunday, March 29, 2009

It is incredibly important to maintain a sense of independence and and self-worth in a relationship. I've noticed that it is so easy to fall captive to the identity of the other person or the relationship itself, easily losing oneself in the name of love. I have had friends disappear into relationships, never to be seen again (or very rare sightings), and I can speak for myself when I say that I've done the same exact thing and have wondered if I let some of my friendships slide as a result of my interest in dedicating a large portion of my time to my significant other. My situation, however, is a little unique due to the fact that I am in a long-distance relationship and only see my boyfriend once a week to once every three weeks, so I like to spend as much time as possible with him when he is in town. However, I've recently decided to recapture some of my own personal interests from my youth (learning foreign languages, poetry, writing, dance) and explore them on my own, with friends, and also with my boyfriend. Here are some personal tips for maintaining your independence in a long-term relationship:



1) Keep a diary and write down your favorite hobbies and passions that peak your interest.
2) Talk to your partner about some creative ways you can explore each other's interests. For example, my boyfriend and I both love poetry (we actually met through our love for poetry), but when it comes to his love for hunting and fishing or my love for dance, he and I make conscious efforts to appreciate each other's passions and learn more about them.
3) When you are apart, try to recapture your passions a little more in-depth and hang out with friends that share that interest.
4) Do not forfeit your friendships in the name of love - I've had plenty of conversations with girlfriends who hate it when their friends disappear when they find a man. Remember that relationships can come and go, but your friends can be there forever. So don't forget to call them and see how they are doing, go out for coffee to catch up, or do something fun together. Also, if you have a friend in a relationship, you can double date!
5) Make a list of passions you would like to explore in the future on your own - perhaps you've always dreamt about going rock climbing or skiing. Even if your partner isn't into those things, that does not at all stop you from taking the time to explore them on your own or with friends. Remember - you and your partner are not one human being - both of you are two separate people with some things in common, and some things not in common. Do not forget about the hobbies and interests that make you unique and make your heart beat a little bit faster.

One of the reasons why I love my boyfriend so much is the fact that he has an intense interest in several hobbies, and has become an expert in many of them. I have always admired his dedication to those hobbies and was inspired to re-evaluate my hobby interests as well and explore them a little bit further. As a result, I have made it a point to read more Spanish and French literature and practice speaking those two languages a bit more. I want to start learning German and Korean in the near future. I would like to re-start my yoga and pilates exercise regimens, work on writing a novel, re-start fencing lessons, and privately work on some dance choreography and consider taking some ballroom dance lessons in the future (which was recently inspired by "Dancing With the Stars" - yes, I can be corny sometimes! :)). I also plan to re-start my knitting lessons, sketching/drawing art, and delve into literature that I have previously put on the bookshelf to be read at some point in the future. When it comes to my love for traveling around the country and the world, I have always loved traveling alone and figuring my way around by myself, but I plan to travel more with my boyfriend, and share some great experiences together.

Always remember that when you are whole, you add substantially more to your relationship, so why not re-find yourself and remember what makes your heart beat with passion? It's never to late to remember your passions and explore them. So why not start today? :)