I've received some messages in my Youtube account, and have watched some informative videos on Youtube, that inspired me to write this blog post (and do a follow-up Youtube video as well). Many people in this world are in constant pursuit of perfection, and at times, that pursuit can evolve into a pressure that can feel overwhelming. For the person who feels that pressure, it can appear as a gnawing and constant pressure to measure up to a particular standard imposed on you by yourself, others, or what he or she perceive others to be pressuring them to be or become, and hopefully avoid a sense of failure rise to some level of accepted or ideal accomplishment. Interestingly enough, so many people live their lives day by day managing this pressure, and among these people, many are drowning within the pressure to various points of psychological breakdown/distress. You may not even realize that your best friend, colleague, family member, or an acquaintance that always seems to have their act together, is drowning in the pressure and would, if provided, appreciate a vacation from it.
I am no stranger to pressures to be perfect - hence, the reason why I feel qualified to write this post, and also a partial reason for my inspiration to label this blog, "Brains and Beauty." As a woman, I completely understand the pressures to look beautiful. As a student, I have always put pressure on myself to do well academically, and acknowledged good grades with a sense of accomplishment and a "pat on the back" for a job well done. As a daughter, I've put pressure on myself to be a perfect daughter who rarely makes mistakes, and live life perfectly. As a result, I've put pressure on myself to be the perfect combination of both brains and beauty, eventually coming to the conclusion in my mid-twenties that the pressure to be perfect was literally gnawing at my ability to reasonably enjoy my life to the fullest. On many days, I had an agenda to make strides towards some goal/combination of goals, and if I did not accomplish them, I would feel as if that day was a "less than perfect" day, and I went to bed feeling incomplete. Managing this pressure for perfection increasingly became a burden, and I began to realize that although this pressure may have helped me accomplish a lot within 25 years, there was a better way to live life and accomplish everything without attempting to measure up to a self-imposed standard of perfection.
What is that better way? There are various ways to be released from the pressure for perfection - for me, I chose my faith: Christianity. In the beginning of my law school career, I attended a church with a relaxed environment that discussed life principles and advice through lessons of the Bible, and I eventually realized and accepted that I was already "perfect" in the eyes of God and did not have to live for whatever self-imposed concept of perfection that existed in my own mind. I can honestly say that my law school experience was manageable and at times quite enjoyable primarily due to my faith in God.
Now, I understand that many of you who are reading this may not be Christian, believe in God, or experienced a relationship with God in a similar way, but I can tell you that if you need a release from a daily pressure for perfection, that release is truly possible. If you asked for my honest opinion about the ideal way, I would say that embracing a relationship with God and attending a church that is right for you is a great start (of course, I am speaking from personal experience). (Note: I am not asking you to embrace an idea of going through the motions of being a Christian - e.g., going to church, praying "traditional" prayers, etc. I specifically mean actually embracing a relationship with God and understanding how He really feels about you. Check out the ministries of Joel Osteen or Joyce Meyer online for some great examples).
Besides a faith-based approach, I would encourage you to write down what you feel pressure about on a day to day basis, and ask yourself why you feel that pressure, if that pressure is necessary in order to be successful, and begin to accept yourself and your accomplishments on a daily basis outside of that pressure. I also encourage you to consider therapy if needed, or check out self-help books (if you feel comfortable perusing them in the store, or if not, online), and dig your heels into ways you can enjoy your life a little bit better, every day.
There is no one cure-all solution to relieving yourself from pressure for perfection. Depending on your particular pressure(s), personality, lifestyle, etc., what works for you may be a tailored solution that may or may not have worked for me. But I will say this: one of the best things you can possibly do for your every day life is to unlearn this particular kind of pressure, and learn how to accomplish your daily goals and dreams, and be satisfied and comfortable with your work at the end of the day. This is not an overnight process - but if you commit to a particular solution on a day to day basis (and adjust it as needed), you'll eventually realize the benefits of feeling increasingly "pressure-less" and more personally satisfied, accomplished, complete, relaxed, and joyful overall in all areas of your life.
Pressures to be Perfect
The Media's Fascination with Jon and Kate Plus 8, and All Things "Reality"...
There is something to be said about the media's intense placement of focus and attention on the stars of "Jon and Kate, Plus 8" - I don't really "get it." I understand that the show is a highly-rated show on the television network, TLC, and that the content of the show is quite amusing and very entertaining, but as the media loves to do, it is currently in the process of sinking its quite pointy teeth deeper and deeper into what appeared to be a seemingly decent family set-up and is enjoying the process of destroying the image of this family in the name of money. Now, I don't really care for the show all that much (every now and again I am very amused by the children and their antics though!), but I will say that I do care about the fact that this is an actual family that the media is picking apart - literally - by the seams. I think it is incredibly easy to confuse real life for fantasy, and are perhaps equating the Jon and Kate Plus 8 show with shows like the Brady Bunch, feeling incredibly free to criticize and evaluate them simply because they are on television to entertain and amuse us on a weekly basis. However, it is absolutely crucial that we do not fall into the trap of assuming that these are not real people with real emotions, and we must remember that they actually do hear the comments that are being spewed their way, minute by minute. Even more importantly, Jon and Kate's kids are probably hearing the media's comments as well (if not directly through the media, then their friends may be telling them, etc.). I know that the media is always sitting on top of an anxious piggy bank, desperate to fill its little piggy slot with revenue derived from the next big media blitz, but I think it should seriously stop trying to tear real people apart.
Reality television in and of itself, to be honest, is a free-for-all with the media, which is why I would encourage anyone who wants to be on a reality show to think twice before considering showing up in line for a chance to have their 5 seconds of fame on television. Reason? It is very rare that the media will be kind to just about anyone on television these days - all you have to do is watch shows like TMZ on television to realize that just about everyone on television is torn apart for everything they say, what they do, what they wear, an out of place wrinkle, or even a sleepy expression that can be read and interpreted in about five million ways. In my opinion, everyday life brings enough stuff to do and think about without tacking on the chaos that is attached to the seemingly hypocritical and harsh world of stardom these days. And yet, this call for "you can be the next big thing!" tears at the hearts of so many people every single day, who are simply yearning for a chance to be seen, to be noticed, to be popular - to simply be brought to a newer level of importance. I really do hope that more people will begin to reevaluate such a personal need, understand the psychological roots of their desire for fame, and realize that the world of reality television, for many of its stars, is equivalent to a beautifully-wrapped box with a gigantic piece of coal sitting inside of it.
The Pressure to Fit In?
One of the principles that I abide by everyday is the fact that I have the right to choose who I am and I do not have to subscribe to any particular pattern of behavior, attitude or thought, in order to happily live my life. There are plenty of pressures to conform behavior to those that we choose to (or want to) be friends with, date, etc., but I do not understand the allure in changing who I am for someone else. Now, I am not saying that I haven't personally been influenced by those that I have let into my life - no human being can live so stubbornly as to not be influenced in any way by those around them. Looking back on my old dating relationships, for example, I realize that I had altered some of my perspectives and beliefs in order to conform to my partner's thought life. My decision to do well in school and eventually go to a top university and eventually graduate from law school was largely based on my family's interest in placing academic success as a top priority, as well as friends who were also interested in performing well in school and in life overall. However, I will definitely say that I am very picky about who I let influence my life and my perception of self - I don't like to have intimate friendships with "downers" - people who constantly live in a negative people who do anything to bring another person down - and I don't really care to hang out with people who are constantly criticizing/hating on/prejudiced against other people. As much as I value my friendships, my friends know that I don't really care to conform to any particular societal group or cookie-cutter stereotype, and they know that I stand by my beliefs, while duly respecting their perspectives as well.
The idea of "fitting in" may feel like a never-ending social pressure for many people, but I personally believe in "fitting into myself," continually growing into my own individuality, while allowing myself to have fun, be encouraged and lifted up through enjoying the company of others.
What Do Smart Women Look Like?
I think there is a weird misconception that a woman who is smart has to be packaged in one particular flavor of a look, easily categorized as a smarty-pants and nothing else. Stereotypically, she is the woman that you see wearing glasses, hair pinned back in a ponytail, and clothing that strays far from any element of sexiness or appeal. She wears minimal makeup, and if she happens to be wearing heels, it is due to the fact that she is going to work, going to an interview, or going to some event where she is about to illustrate her brilliance.
Right...
It is amazing how a woman's appearance, to many people, dictates her personality, who she is as a person, and whether or not she has an I.Q. level higher than a peanut. I have heard both women and men comment on passersby, making comments about certain women that have led me to conclude that they believe that a woman is how she dresses. I have to stress the fact that this is not the case. In fact, you may very well reach erroneous conclusions about either men or women who choose to dress in particular fashions that do not stereotypically embody "intelligent fashion." I have met many men who choose to dress in fashions that resemble the likes of Kid Rock, 50 Cent, Eminem and Ja-Rule, and yet, are able to beat whatever "rough and tough" stereotype that some attach to them by quoting Shakespeare and displaying academic credentials that would impress even the likes of President Obama.
But let's not stray far from the point: it is important not to jump to the conclusion that just because you see a woman in a short skirt and heels, or a woman who is busty and has hips and likes to show off her figure, she cannot be book smart. On the contrary, I have known many women who have chosen to dress in fashions that simply reflect her taste in fashion, and are not burdened by any attempt to dress "stereotypically intelligent" - and can hold down an intellectual conversation while wearing an outfit some others may consider "too sexy" or "too appealing." Today, I ask you: Why can't a woman be both sexy and smart? Is there some rule that states, "If you are a woman, and you want to be perceived as smart, make sure no one can tell you enjoy clothes that flatter your womanly curves and like wearing heels"? You must be kidding me - I personally wear whatever I want to wear, and because I have curves, I like to wear clothes that tastefully accentuate my figure. And for all the other women out there who want to let their hair down, put on that bright pink lip gloss, and try out those cute heels that you've hesitated bringing out of your closet out of fear of how you'd be perceived, let it all go, and do what you want. People's opinion of you does not dictate your intelligence level - you have every right to dictate your own wardrobe, regardless of whether people accept it or not. In other words: BE YOURSELF. 
My Obsession with Dark Red Lipstick
Ok, this is going to be a silly post, but I have to confess: I have an obsession with dark red lipstick. I'm pretty certain my youtube videos and pretty much every picture on my Facebook page highlights this fact. I gleefully admit that I have been wearing the same color in different makeup brands since I was in high school, and I am starting to seriously wonder why I can't adjust to other colors that I buy but never care to wear more than once (a repeat situation that somehow provides me the false notion that I am about to embark on a new "look," only to wind up frantically searching for my usual dark crimson red somewhere in my makeup kit). There is a strange comfort that I find in that color - an element of embedded contrast that I personally like to believe actually enhances my beauty. I have indeed for the past few years struggled with varying up my lip color look. I have recently settled on NARS Scarlett Empress - a deep red that satisfies my need for a deep crimson look that does not fade away after I drink my morning coffee (like so many lipsticks do). I liked NARS so much that I decided to go out of my element within this great (and my new fave) makeup brand and invest in a deep pink color - and for some weird reason, I can't get into this deep pink look, even when my outfit calls for the occasion to experiment with pink lip color (this actually happened again yesterday when I sported a cute pink cowneck top ensemble).
I would like to say that my obsession with red lips comes from my personal conclusion that dark red lips look the best on brown skin tones (a proposition that I stand by with a peculiar vengeance), but I think it may go deeper. Perhaps I am nervous about experimenting outside of a particular makeup look, that perhaps my penchant for red lips has to do with my desire to remain in a particular "beauty comfort zone", outside of which I may feel a bit uncomfortable. Only through watching various makeup youtue videos have I recently begun to experiment with primer and various eyeshadow colors (I plan to blog and make a youtube video soon about those various experiments). However, I have yet to feel as comfortable with experimenting with various lip color tones, particularly those that in my opinion contrast but beautifully coincide with brown skin tones. But I am open to your comments on this topic, so please feel free to enlighten me with your opinion about lipsticks on various skin tones if you want to! :) 
